


13th Doctor X (Y/n) Novella 2

by MissWho77



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Jodie Whittaker - Fandom, LGBTQIA+ - Fandom, Missy - Fandom, Tardis - Fandom, Thirteenth Doctor - Fandom, female doctor - Fandom, whovian - Fandom, yaz - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:46:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 30,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29941926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissWho77/pseuds/MissWho77
Summary: Story synopsis: You're moving on from your trauma and are finding a growing sense of family on the Tardis, but things are changing, yourself more than anyone.For this novella to make sense, please read 13th Doctor X (Y/n) Novella 1 for context.These are your general trigger warnings for throughout the whole story, but at the beginning of each chapter is a more specific description. Please do not read if you think this may be upsetting for you in any way, take care my loves!//TW// suicide, abuse/violence, sexual assault, self injury, mental illness, torture, grief.Thanks again for checking out my story! Please enjoy and feel free to leave any comments or criticism (everything helps) as I have more ideas still for another novella or two!Of course, I do not own any of these characters, they belong to the BBC, I choose to use them for creative and entertainment purposes only!Let's jump right into it, Geronimo!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Finally

Yaz leans collectedly against one of the crystals, watching her friend work; lying on her back, one knee raised up, blonde head invisible to Yaz as she fiddles with the underside of the console, earning what Yaz interprets to be impatient whirres from the TARDIS.

It was late Friday afternoon, and it was just the two of them. Yaz wasn't quite ready to leave for bed yet though, not if it gave her more time to simply watch The Doctor, something she had come to do a lot these days. 

Watch as her friend gestured ecstatically when she was excited, or spoke at ridiculous speeds, understanding enlightening her hazel eyes, or brooded with slumped shoulders when something beyond the reach of her fam was bothering her. 

On these occasions Yaz yearned to reach out and comfort her friend, but still didn't quite dare.

Though Yaz wasn't quite ready to admit it, 'friend' was a very loose term as to how she regarded the Doctor. Given her own way, and a touch of courage, maybe one day there could be more, another word in front of the 'friend' part...

A sharp intake of breathe brings Yaz, blushing furiously, out of her reverie, The Doctor cursing slightly and the TARDIS groaning louder than ever. 

"Alright alright! I give up, fix yourself, if you fail, I'll just sell you for scraps". The Doctor rolls out from under the console, a smudge of oil on her nose, blonde bob slightly lifted from the heat. 

She sit up and adjusts her lilac coat around her slender shoulders, flashing her teeth at Yaz, who responds enthusiastically.

Behind her The TARDIS makes a new sound, slightly quieter, a couple of sly sounding notes, that, to Yazs' great amusement, sends a crimson blush across the Doctors' own cheeks. 

"That's none of your business" she hisses, and Yaz detects a note of embarrassment in the blondes' usually confident voice.

"What did she say?" Asks Yaz, curious as to what could constitute such a rare reaction from The Timelord.

The Doctor mumbles something unintelligible, then gets, slightly flustered, to her feet.

She doesn't stay there long, The TARDIS lurching alarmingly to the side, sending the Doctor crashing to the ground, and Yaz, blushing so hard she can feel the heat emanating from her face, into the Doctor herself.

The alien giggles at the bemused expression on the humans' face, before, cued by a violent growl from the depths of the machine, she grabs Yazs' arm as they once again fly to the end of the console, both colliding painfully with the metal rim, ending in a ball where the Doctor had been lying earlier, trying to fix it. 

Yaz, shielded form the worst of the collision by The Doctor due to the protective cage her arms had formed around the young woman, was remarkably unhurt. 

The Doctor however groans as they scramble into a sitting position, their backs against the console clutching her head, one arm still holding Yaz tightly. 

No doubt The TARDIS had planned for only The Gallifreyan to get hurt, but she wasn't taking any chances.

Yaz pulls away slightly, breathing heavily to take in The Doctors' form, curled up in slight pain. Strange, how strong the empathy Yaz feels for the alien.

"Yeah alright you're in control" says the Doctor rubbing her head gingerly. Yaz barely has time to marvel at the complex language The Doctor and TARDIS share, when the former mutters "doesn't mean you're right though". 

That does it. 

The pair are sent sliding across the deck again, ending once again in a heap, The Doctor lying on top of Yaz. Both freeze. The TARDIS lets out what can only be described as a low chuckle. 

Both women blush some more, but neither move. 

Yaz feels unbearably warm, looking up into those hazel eyes she had loved from the first glance. 

Those very hazel look down into the chocolate brown shade directly below, warmth spreading, connecting them securely, as though by some invisible bond. 

Yaz continues to stare, having never been this close to her love before. She notes the blonde hair, mussed from all the tumbling, framing her face as it falls toward Yaz from this angle on top, the delicate pink of her lips pulled back as of right now in surprise, the gentle curve of her chin, then her jaw, and finally back to the eyes. 

The eyes that hold such a heavy past, and such an uncertain future.

She savoured these, so still, clearly searching Yazs' expression herself, no doubt wondering what was happening and why, the thought brought on a fresh round of blush. Yaz hadn't moved yet.

The Doctor however, was thinking nothing of the sort. She was looking at the human as though she had never seen her before. Low pigtails fanning out, framing her face, intense brown eyes searching her own. Lips slightly parted as she continued to stare.

She scronches her face and blushes awkwardly.

In one movement, Yaz sits up as The Doctor rolls off to the side. Neither break the gaze just yet, unsure they had both felt it. 

Then, by some subconscious decision, she leans towards the girl and their lips lock, The Doctor sitting and Yaz kneeling in. 

In the distant background the women hear a triumphant groan from the omniscient machine, and they both smile into the kiss.

Yaz didn't need to ask what had made the Doctor blush earlier. The TARDIS has known what her master wanted most, and had merely nudged them in the right direction, for which they were both grateful.


	2. Trip

You rise early the next morning and walk quietly into the main console room. You are the only one here, and it makes you feel very at peace. 

The Tardis thrums softly at your arrival and you turn to stroke the engine crystal. It warms to your touch and you giggle. 

She makes a noise of content as you continue petting her, until she stops, seeming to sense your inter turmoil. A questioning note emanates and you sigh.

"You wouldn't understand" you reply half heartedly.

Another thrum. Try me.

"Yeah ok I know you're super smart and everything but this is different. I want something, but mentally I cannot get near it..." you trail off.

She hums sympathetically in understanding then makes a cheerful note to distract you.

"What?" You ask curiously.

She hums slyly, and you hear an echo of The Doctor and Yaz giggling playfully with a hint of embarrassment.

"No way!" You exclaim "something happened between them and I missed it? Aww was it really cute and awkward?" you ask snorting, and she thrums agreeably in response, finding it almost as funny as you. 

"What are you two laughing about?" Comes The Doctors' voice as she enters the console room with a furrowed brow. 

Her disapproving expression only makes you laugh harder with the Tardis chuckling in her own way under your resting hand.

Well that's not an attractive face you imagine the Tardis saying through prolonged and sly notes, making you scream in laughter.

"What?!" She asks indignantly, actually stomping her foot and you gasp as you laugh. It felt good.

"Fine don't tell me" she sulks, crossing her arms and scowling, moving over to flick some switches, bringing the lights to life.

Jenny enters next, looking very pretty in combat trousers and a cropped grey jumper. Her long blonde hair is pulled up in a high ponytail, little strands curling round her face. You try not to stare too long, and listen instead as the Tardis makes a quietly innocent noise.

"Oh shut up" you mutter blushing and she giggles in her own way. 

You look up quickly, finding The Doctor smiling down at the buttons, having understood the meaning of that noise perfectly. You get the feeling she quite liked the revenge. 

You sigh and Jenny smiles at you, warm brown eyes sinking into yours like the Titanic. 

"Morning (y/n)" she says politely and you reply similarly, waiting for your blush to die down. 

Yaz enters last, and this is what you had been waiting for. She stops when she sees The Doctor facing away form her and swallows uncertainly. 

The Doctor, however, turns and smiles with all the happiness carried in both her hearts, the Tardis making noises of encouragement. She strides over to Yaz and in one slightly awkward movement slips her hand neatly into the humans'. 

Their smiles are radiant, and you grin triumphantly as you take in the perfect scene.

The Doctor turns to you and raises her eyebrows, hand still in Yazs' she looks a little worried, seeking reassurance which you gladly give with a firm smile and a nod. She then looks at Jenny who looks slightly bemused but nods also, muttering "It's about time" before breaking into her own smile.

"We're happy for you two, really" you say and the couple grips each other tighter. It really is a beautiful thing, but it saddens you also. 

You would never be able to have that, that undying trust, comfort and closeness. 

A dark cloud begins to consume you, but The Doctor starts talking before you have a chance to let it destroy you all over again.

"Right, so where are we going?" She bounces playfully.

"Anywhere" says Yaz, not dropping her gaze from the time lady.

"Ok then" The Doctor grins and, pulling Yaz with her, begins to run around the console flicking switches and pulling levers. 

The Tardis shakes in response and you feel the familiar chaotic sensation of travel. 

The Doctor grips Yaz securely while you and Jenny cling to the golden shards and try not to fall. 

The Doctor drops Yazs' hand when you land, and you can tell it's too soon for the both of them. She leads you out, and the first thing you notice is the biting cold, but you definitely aren't outside. The low steel walls all around tell you so.

You cross your arms, watching the cool vapour rise from your mouth. Jenny is the last out, wearing a concerned expression.

"Why's it so cold?" She asks the other blonde.

"Let's find out" she replies, glancing a little worriedly at Yaz whose teeth were chattering. 

Neither Jenny or The Doctor seem to be in any visible discomfort, but you supposed that was part of being semi and whole Time Lord. 

The Doctor leads the way and you are glad to get moving, finding the cold more bearable when you were walking. You come to a door which The Doctor opens with her sonic, sliding with a dull metallic thud. 

"Who the hell are you?" Says a woman wearing several coats and a bobble hat on the other side.

"Well I was just about to ask you the same thing" says The Doctor brightly. "I'm The Doctor, this is Yaz, Jenny and (y/n)"

The woman looks between you all with a bemused expression.

"How did you get on board?"

"Ah yes well my ship sort of landed on yours" 

"So the reason we have no power is because of your ship is it?" Comes a brutal mans' voice and you instinctively take a step back, until you feel Jenny's warm hand on the small of your back. 

You jump lightly but don't move, allowing her to ground you. She squeezes you gently to reassure you and you attempt to relax with more success than usual.

"Well I really don't think so, judging by the fact that all four of you are wearing several layers of clothing. I'd say you've been like this for several hours now" she says politely. The man merely grunts and throws himself back in front of his computer.

"So, where are we?" The blonde prompts.

"You mean you really don't know?" Says the woman in disbelief.

"We really don't know" says The Doctor cheerily.

"You're onboard Nebulos 72." She says gravely. "And I'm really sorry, but boarding this ship was a death sentence".


	3. Bugs

All four of you stare at her without expression.

"And why's that?" Asks The Doctor lightly, breaking the tense silence.

"We lost power a couple of hours ago, right now we're heading into a frozen star" she replies solemnly.

"Oh" says The Doctor "what made you lose power?"

"We don't know" she sighs, "we've tried everything, the system seems like it's been physically pulled apart."

"Maybe it has" says Jenny unexpectedly and The Doctor and the woman turn to look at her, you following suit.

She bends down and pulls out a wire, handing it to The Doctor who holds it up curiously. You inspect it from a distance, noting what you think might just be-

"Teeth marks" confirms The Doctor and Jenny nods.

"That's impossible, it was only us four on board" Says the woman.

"So why" says The Doctor pointing her sonic at a screen bringing it temporarily to life, "am I registering multiple life forms besides ourselves?" She finishes, and you all spiral into silence.

"Ok" she says loudly making you all jump. "Your names?"

"I'm captain Morgan, that's Fraser my second in command, Michaels and Johnson" she points out two Middle Aged men and a woman with a timid face.

"Jenny and I will try the back up generators, Morgan if you could lead us, Fraser can you run a scan using the last of the power for our life forms, Michaels and Johnson keep an eye on that frozen star." She says strongly, before looking at you seriously "Yaz and (y/n) get back in The Tardis and no arguing, you'll freeze out here." 

You both begin to protest and The Doctor opens her mouth determinedly to argue, but Morgan gets there first.

"Sorry you said your ship is at the south end? Then they really shouldn't, not without protection, that end is facing the star. If it wasn't frozen over when you came here, it will be by now. The doors will have frozen shut" she adds earnestly, as you fail to see the problem. 

Jenny and The Doctor exchange worried looks.

"Fine Yaz, (y/n) stay here, and stay warm" she adds on seeing you open your mouth.

"We're not babysitters" mutters the surley Michaels with a scowl.

"You are now" says Morgan swiftly, closing the subject, making you frown.

"You'll both be fine here" she says to you two and you nod, not at all happy with being left alone with this grumpy man. "We really ought to go" she adds to The Doctor and Jenny, who both nod and shoot you two uneasy looks. 

You smile reassuringly at Jenny who responds likewise then all three disappear to find the generators. 

They leave an uneasy air behind and you step a little closer to Yaz, careful not to touch her still.

"We'll be fine" says Yaz with a brave smile. "They know what they're doing" and it's true, both are very capable women. Now you just needed to focus on staying warm. 

You sit against a wall and Yaz does the same. She closes her eyes shivering slightly as you get closer and closer to the freezing star. With nothing to distract yourself, your thoughts begin to turn, getting wilder and darker...

Suddenly Fraser let's out a cry of pain and you jump to your feet in alarm.

"Catch it catch it!" He yells clutching his leg. You look down and spot a black bug the size of a mouse disappear under a desk. 

Fraser topples over and sits breathing heavily, pausing randomly as he lies. 

Suddenly he begins to convulse, white foam pouring from his mouth, eyes unblinking. Yaz screams and Johnson goes to approach but you call at her to get back. 

To your surprise she obeys, and you watch as Fraser slowly stops convulsing, and his head lolls sickeningly to the side, unmistakably dead.

"Fraser?" Whispers Johnson, but you shake your head. 

Michaels turns to her with a scowl. "Why didn't you help him?" He barks at her and she gasps.

"Because he was already dead" you find yourself saying. "Whatever bit him was clearly poisonous, chances are if she had touched him she would have gotten hurt" Johnson smiles at you in thanks and you nod at her.

"And that was your call, was it?" He asks venomously, moving closer and making your heart rate spike unhealthily.

Yaz steps deliberately between you two.

"This isn't helping" she says sternly. "Now, did anyone see where it went?" She asks, but everyone shakes their head, calming down and returning to their previous positions.

You sit back down and Yaz places her head next to you. In those last ten minutes the temperature seemed to have dropped a further ten degrees. 

You lean back against the wall, enjoying the sound of rain on the window, it as peaceful and steady, and you timed your breaths with it... only there was no rain in space. 

Your eyes fly open and you jump to your feet. 

"They're in the walls!" You hiss, and everyone pauses to confirm. Just then all the lights turn back on and you watch in horror as the main entrance bursts open. 

As you suspected, hundreds of the bugs flood in, and you feel Yaz recoil in horror. 

You pull her desperately onto a desk, as the sea of shiny black bugs swarm the floor. 

Johnson and Michaels have run to the far corner and are huddled together.

"Get on the desks!" You scream and Michaels hears, jumping. 

What happens next freezes your heart faster than the dropping temperature. 

Johnson reaches up to grab his hand, but he withdraws with a strong jaw, lifts his foot, and kicks her square in the chest, watching as she tumbles back and is absorbed beneath the ocean of the bugs, the noise of frenzied scuttling quickly cutting off her screams. 

You stand in horror, but Yaz pulls at your hand, and the shock of the contact brings you back to life. 

The path to the door has temporarily opened up, and in that instant Morgan, Jenny and The Doctor are standing in the entrance gasping at the sea of bugs attacking Johnson's still body. 

They spot you on the desks, and Michaels is close enough to leap over the last of the bugs clearly. 

He doesn't look back as Morgan leads him away down a corridor. 

You stand still, the distance between you and then women is surely too far.

"Yaz, (y/n), Jump!" Screams The Doctor, panicked. 

You and Yaz look at each other worriedly then back to the women.

You can hear the bugs quickly finishing with their main course and looking for seconds. Out of the corner of your eye you can see a bare skeleton stripped of its skin. 

You turn back to Yaz and she nods determinedly. 

Taking three huge steps back each, you fling yourselves over the rest of the bugs, feeling as though you are in the air way too long.

Jenny catches you, while The Doctor catches Yaz to your left. You grip Jenny in fear and she grabs your hand securely. 

"Run!" Shouts The Doctor and you and Jenny follow the pair, tripping slightly as you feel the engines beneath your feet start up, and the whole ship rotating slowly. 

A door at the end of the corridor is open and you all charge in, meeting Morgan and Michaels who slam it shut, listening to it lock with a sucking sound. 

The Doctor turns and points her sonic at the control panel, and you feel the lights go down as well as the temperature. 

You slide your back down the wall, exhausted from the run, happily leaning against Jenny and snuggling gratefully into her body heat, ignoring the still heightened rate of your heart beat.


	4. Cold

"Are we safe?" Asks Yaz into the tense silence.

"Yes babe, we realised the bugs were heading your way, it was the warmest place on the ship facing away from the star. So now we're at the colder end. However, we managed to reset the generators and that sound" she pauses, and you all take in the groans of the ship "is the ship slowly turning. They should all freeze eventually, we'll just have to wait it out" she says with a worried smile. 

The two shipmates sit separately and silently while you wait in earnest for a plan that will only hopefully work.

* * *

"How much longer Doctor?" Says Jenny anxiously with you tucked in at her side. 

The physical contact worries you, but it was that or freeze. 

Opposite you in the tiny chamber The Doctor has wrapped her own coat around Yaz who is shivering violently, tucked in her side too. 

You watch The Doctor shoot you two human worried glances before answering.

"I'm sorry everyone we need to wait a bit longer"

"Doctor I'm not sure how much longer she's going to last" says Jenny and you assume she's talking about you. 

Your eyes are too stiff to open again to check. 

The temperature is well below freezing and you feel if you had to move, you're body would have to thaw from its position first.

"Yaz baby can you hear me?" Comes The Doctors' pained voice. "Her pulse is weak" she sounds on the edge of panic but you still can't open your eyes, too cold to even think about moving any muscles. 

You feel almost-warm fingers on your neck, and if you could move you would have. "(Y/n) too" says Jenny in distress.

"Nottttt...wooooryyyy" you say through chattering teeth, forcing your muscles to work, icy breath rising from your mouth.

"Just a little longer" pleades The Doctor and Jenny nods silently, gripping you tighter, trying to submerge you in her own protective heat. 

Minutes seem to last hours as you slowly become less tense, your body too weak to continue shivering, until, mind foggy, you feel yourself go completely still.

"Now!" Shouts The Doctor from somewhere far off, and you feel yourself hoisted off the ground into Jenny's arms using all her semi-time lord strength. 

In front you are sure Yaz is being carried by The Doctor in a similar fashion. 

Your body is stiff from the cold, and you can feel the chills biting at your face and ears. 

Jenny clutches you tighter to her chest, and despite the close contact, you don't feel at all unsafe. 

"Morgan no!" Floats The Doctors' voice but you have no idea what has happened and it disappears from your mind when you become aware of being carried in through the Tardis doors, revelling in her almost instant heat. 

She takes off, you and Yaz curled up on the floor against Jenny as The Doctor pilots furiously. You aren't aware of much, but you know you are safe in Jenny's arms.

* * * 

Several hours later you have regained most of the feeling in your body, sat on the Tardis deck next to Yaz bundled in blankets and being brought warm drinks, Jenny off finding more blankets.

The Doctor has confirmed mild hypothermia, but you are fast recovering as you watch her talking patiently to Michaels. 

You were unreasonably saddened when Jenny told you Morgan stayed behind to detonate the ship and prevent any of the bugs ever escaping. She had seemed nice and certainly didn't deserve to die. 

Now just Michaels remained. 

You know you are the only one who knows what he did to Johnson to save his own life, and when he looks in your direction, you know he is thinking the same thing. 

You break your gaze and return to your hot chocolate, thinking deeply. You disliked being around any man, and as far as men go, he really wasn't one you wanted around. 

You were anxious for The Doctor to drop him off somewhere when he approaches you with small steps and stops just in front of you.

The Doctor had just taken Yaz off to be checked again, and you realised with horror that it was just you and him left.

"You can wipe that look off your face right now" he snarls in your ear. And you recoil, not daring to run, knowing in your state he would easily catch you. 

Besides, you've learned it's best to just accept whatever he wanted to do to you, courtesy of Jay.

"You killed her" you reply quietly. "She reached up to you, and you... and you let go" you say breathlessly.

"You wont be telling anyone that though, now will you?" he whispers gently, and with a stab of fear, you feel the barrel of a gun press into your side. 

He was far too close and you were beginning to hyperventilate.

"Shut up!" He hisses but you are panicking, breathing heavily and your heart pounding, flashbacks plaguing your mind until you are no longer aware of the present.

"(Y/n) what's wrong?" It's The Doctor, returned with Jenny by her side. You've never been more relieved to see those two women.

"Stand" he says taking a step away from you, realising your panic could ruin everything.

"(Y/n) what's happening?" Asks Jenny and you shake your head not daring to answer with the barrel of the gun aimed at you from behind his leg.

Sensing danger, he abandons all pretences. 

"Take me to the nearest peninsula" he says, drawing out his gun openly and pointing it at your head. Jenny gasps but The Doctor is calm.

"I will take you home as soon as you let (y/n) go" she says mildly.

"Doctor please-" begs Jenny but is silenced by one look from The Doctor.

"Put the gun down, and then we can talk". A pause, and for a second you really hope he might just let you go. 

"No deal" he says and cocks the gun. You wince but he hasn't shot you yet. 

Tears begin to tumble down your cheeks as you stand mere feet from a man holding a gun at you. 

"Let her go, or I take you nowhere" The Doctor repeats, with a hint of danger to her low voice.

"I don't think you understand me, so let me make it clearer" Michaels says and slides the gun in one movement, pulling the trigger with a powerful noise.

"No!" Someone screams as you feel a heavy impact in your chest that sends you tumbling to the ground.


	5. Shot

You gasp and clutch your side but actually it doesn't hurt that much. 

You look down but there is no blood and you just feel a bit bruised. But the gun definitely went off, so-

Someone screams and you find yourself lying on your back gasping. 

You push yourself into a sitting position, realising someone must have collided with you at the sound of the gunshot. 

It is then that you look down, and feel your world disintegrate. Lying on her side, breathing heavily, face screwed up in agony while her hand clutches her left ribs, is Jenny.

"DOCTOR!" You scream, your throat almost tearing from the volume. 

"Jenny!" Screams The Doctor, and you see her throw herself to her knees beside you, applying immediate pressure to her daughters' wound. 

She mutters seriously as you grab Jenny's hand and hold it in you own. 

There wasn't enough fear in the world to keep you away from her. 

You couldn't lose her, she was too pure, and too young, and too perfect. She wasn't going to die, not today, not with you.

"Do something!" You yell at the time lady but she simply shakes her head, continuing with the pressure.

"Oh my god what happened?" Yaz returns and you feel her take in the scene. There is a sharp intake of breath and a heavy blows as Yaz goes to restrain Michaels, still apparently aiming the gun, and hear her kick the weapon across the deck. 

The Tardis thrums in worry and you feel her vibrate slightly in sympathy. 

The Doctor pauses her efforts and sits back on her heels, face pained and worn.

"Jenny I am so, so sorry my love" says The Doctor, voice husky, releasing the pressure on the wound.

"No what are you doing? Doctor help her!" You beg but the time lady has leaned back. 

You look down at the girl and watch as her eyes flutter closed. 

Sobbing incoherently, you stroke her delicate face, whispering quiet comforts. 

Behind you Yaz holds The Doctors' hand as tears roll silently down their cheeks. You grip Jenny with all your remaining strength, finally resting your head against her chest, listening to the last beats of her heart, until there is nothing but silence.

You can't breathe. It's like Abi all over again, and you were so sick of losing people. 

Your family were taken from you, and now Jenny. 

Your touch was poison. 

You recognise deep racking noises, only to find they are coming from you. The pain, it's uncontrollable and all consuming. 

You want nothing more than to lie down next to her, and succumb. 

"(Y/n)?" Someone says quietly, but you barely hear them. You don't even look up.

"Bring her back" you say blankly.

"(Y/n)" The Doctors' voice breaks and she swallows. "(Y/n) I'm sorry, I can't. She's gone"

"No" you say quietly.

"(Y/n) come with me" says The Doctor reaching down to take your hand.

"Don't touch me!" You say venomously and her hand drops. You don't have the energy to feel bad, knowing she had just lost her daughter, and her pain probably compares to yours still.

"It's ok, it's ok" says Yaz gently, clearly in shock, pulling The Doctor into her, and laying her blonde head on the humans' shoulder.

You ignore them and look back down at the pale body of the woman who died twice.

Yaz holds The Doctor as she stares blank faced, fighting emotion.

"There were things I never told you, you know" you say softly, brushing back her hair, breath catching on the occasional hiccup, blocking out the women beside you.

"I trusted you from the moment I met you, I just didn't know how to show that. The day you found me on the bathroom floor, I was sad because I knew I was too broken for someone as pure as you." You sniffle and wipe your face, then smile with a watery grin.

"Do you remember when I was possessed? And The Doctor told me to focus on something happy and hopeful? I chose you. I probably should have told you earlier, not that you would feel the same way, it's just nice to hear people care about you, isn't it?" You say with a sigh. 

What you wouldn't give for her to reply.

"I'm really going to miss you" you whisper, and, for the first time in however long you can remember, you voluntarily lean down and close your eyes to place a kiss on her forehead. 

"Goodbye Jenny" you say, closing your own eyes. 

Your heart physically aches, like it was being squeezed in a vice. 

You had no intention of going anywhere for some time yet.

"I'm so sorry Doctor" you say, turning to her. 

She nods but doesn't say anything, eyes glued to Jenny, and you realise just how much this must be hurting her. 

Twice now she's has lost her daughter. 

Yet you felt you now knew more than ever why The Doctor was always unarmed.

"It's ok (y/n)" she says quietly. "This world is huge and impossible. There is so much good, and just as much bad. There are coincidences and destiny. It was just my luck that I got to meet her one last time. She had grown so much. I didn't even realise. My daughter. I've never been prouder."

She sits up and shuffles towards you warily, dry eyed. She was being strong for you. 

She opens out her arms and you don't hesitate to crash into them. 

The usual fear of contact swirls deep in the pit of your stomach, but this wasn't just about you. This woman had saved you so many times. She had helped you so much, and now was the time to think beyond yourself. 

In the corner of your eye you see Yaz gently place her jacket over Jenny. You bury your head in the time lords' shoulder and she squeezes you securely. 

You open your eyes again, blinking through the tears, and see Yaz stiffen suddenly.

"Um Doctor?" she says uncertainly. The Doctor breaks away and turns to her, confused by her tone. "Doctor what's happening?" She gasps taking a step back. 

"Oh my god" you utter in pure shock.

"No, that's impossible" says The Doctor with wide eyes. Then- "(y/n) no!" As you fling yourself to Jenny's side and squeeze her hand, watching as the golden glow spreads like a fine mist from her rapidly restarting heart.


	6. Seen

"Get back! Get back now!" The Doctor screams desperately, but you really can't move. 

You have no idea what's happening, and your eyes remain glued to bright glow engulfing Jenny's entire body.

"(Y/N)!" The Doctor calls again, and right then you watch the glow reach your hand. 

You scream in agony as fire burns out your veins, spreading through your body like wildfire. 

You are blind and deaf, Jenny has long since been absorbed by the light, and you can feel white hot energy destroying your body. 

Your mind is blank of thought, but suddenly you are seeing beauty, and wonder, and hope and love and pain and sorrow and universe upon universe bleeding into each other, crippling and forming, planets dying and stars being born. 

Sensation means nothing to you. You are gone and distant and unreachable. 

And in so much pain. 

You are aware of nothing but the burning images behind your eyelids, until everything turns black.

* * *

"(Y/n)? (Y/n) come on open your eyes please" you scrunch your face up and groan, but don't open your eyes. "Come on everything's alright, wake up". 

Obediently you open your eyes and meet a warm pair of troubled hazel eyes.

"Ok easy now, how do you feel?" 

"Like shit" you respond appropriately, trying to regain memory form what happened.

"Mmm I'll pretend I didn't hear that" she says fondly, tapping your forehead and scanning a monitor with her sonic.

"I'm in the med bay again?" You say.

"Yes we should really make it your room at this point" says The Doctor with a weak smile. She was in pain, you could see that, and then it hits you.

"Jenny!?" You gasp, sitting, and attempting to get up.

"Oh no you don't" replies The Doctor quickly, pushing you firmly back down onto your pillow stack.

"But she's- is she alive?" You swallow desperately.

The Doctor looks at you for a long moment, blonde hair falling forwards over her face as though she were ashamed.

"Yes" you smile but she shakes her head. "The thing is (y/n)" she pulls her lilac coat over her shoulders a little and takes you hand, making you wince at the warm contact. 

She lets go. 

"Well, she must not have died the last time I left her" guilt riddled her face but she smiles and presses on "we didn't realise she could regenerate, it took us all by surprise". You register what she is saying , and try to see past your thumping headache to understand.

"So she's changed?" You conclude and The Doctor nods slowly. "How much?" You say surprisingly calmly.

"(y/n) I heard everything you said to her before she regenerated, and I'm going to help you through this, I promise." You don't understand and she continues. 

"Jenny, is no longer a woman" she says slowly and clearly, recognising you weren't really with it. 

It takes an extra second to register, but you are determined not to hyperventilate.

"Ok" you simply say instead, but the time lady isn't fooled. "I want to meet- him? them?" 

The Doctor nods, "him" she says rising and heading to the door. 

"You're safe (y/n), I got you away from her before the energy could do any serious damage" she says before leaving. "I won't let anything happen to you". 

You attempt another smile but sense you fail given The Doctors' own pitiful responding expression. 

You lie back and try to think of what you are going to say to her- him. Just the thought of a man being near you was scary, but this was Jenny- he would never hurt you.

The Doctor returns some time later with an unremarkable man following. 

Taller than The Doctor, with broad shoulders and hair the colour of bracken. His eyes are wary and sad, but he looks strong. You try to associate this man with the young blonde woman you had seen die only hours before, and fail to make the comparison. 

You have since moved yourself to an armchair, where you sit in joggers and a hoodie, hood pulled low over your face, hiding you. 

The man stops five feet away when he sees you visibly tense, and draws up a chair. The Doctor glances uneasily between you two, hands clasped in front of her. 

She catches your eye and she raises her eyebrows. You nod that you are fine. 

For now. 

"Hello (y/n)" Jenny says slowly and measuredly. You take a breath as you respond to the gravelly masculine voice.

"Hello" you say cautiously. Then, feeling rude, ask, "are you... do I still call you Jenny?" You ask.

The Doctor frowns and turns to Jenny too, apparently not having thought of this.

"Um well I guess I'd better change it" he says good naturedly. You like the nervous stutter. It makes him seem more human. Or less like he was going to lunge and kill you at any moment. 

You tense. 

You're safe (y/n), I'll keep you safe. Says The Doctor but you don't respond. She says it quietly anyway.

"(Y/n) it's still me in here" he says quietly, and you look away. He blinks, fidgeting uncomfortably. You recoil in slight panic, and he stills and sighs. 

Instantly you feel bad.

"So, what are you changing it too?" You ask after an awkward pause. Of course he had noticed your fear. He was still Jenny inside.

"I haven't really thought about it. Something beginning with J I guess" he says with a shrug and you nod. God this was weird.

"James?" Says The Doctor with a suppressed grin, finding this quite amusing.

"J....John? No that doesn't fit" he contemplates and you grin. 

You smile slightly until the next words come out of his mouth.

"What about Jay?"


	7. Falling

TW: suicide

Your eyes widen and you feel bile rise in your throat at the very mention of that name. 

You drop to your knees from your chair, and attempt to right yourself. 

There is a chance you might recover, when you feel a pair of hands grab you around the waist. Men's hands. 

Shrieking in utter fear, you scramble to your feet, flailing your arms as you try to escape. 

This is it, this is why you don't trust men, they want to hurt you, you will never be safe. You sprint out the medbay, legs taking you into the console room and to the exit doors before your mind has even caught up. 

You fling them open with your shoulder, and jump out into ridiculously cold air. You gasp lungfuls, trying to dissolve the dizzying panic which surrounds you in a seamless cloud. 

Your heart is trying desperately to escape your chest as your whole form shakes uncontrollably.

This was beyond a panic attack; you could feel your mind deciding whether it should succumb you to darkness as it tries desperately to hold back the onslaught of memories.

"(Y/n) it's ok! Trust me you're safe!" The Doctor gasps as she nearly falls out the Tardis in her haste. 

Panicked you take a step back and stumble, leaning forward to stop yourself falling. 

You hadn't even noticed. 

The cold air biting at your cheeks, the wind howling in your ears, the roaring noise that wasn't just your thoughts. 

You were hundreds of feet up, standing on some sort of ledge. 

You gasp as the world swirls below you, and try to focus on the time lady's voice. 

The glow of The Tardis lights up the roof you stand on, a beacon within the night sky.

"(Y/N)!" She shrieks as you almost lose your balance again. "(Y/n) please, step forward, this is dangerous, take my hand!" She calls against the wind whipping her words away. 

You are trying to gather your thoughts when someone else steps out The Tardis. 

You instinctively go to step back and trip, but catch yourself before you fall, kneeling on the edge.

"(Y/n) be careful! Please I won't hurt you, I promise. I heard everything you said, and I feel the same way. We can make this work! You and me and The Doctor! Together. Please (y/n)" he calls them stops. "Give me a chance. I'm still the same Jenny and you know it. Please" he finishes with a whisper, desperation in his muddy brown eyes.

"You don't understand" you reply with a shaking voice, before turning to look over the horizon at the navy sky.

Teeth chattering slightly you open your mouth to speak, knowing they can still hear you with their impossible senses. "I died a long time ago. I'm broken. And I'm done. I tried, really I did. Doctor, you believe me? I tried, and you really did everything to try and save me. It just wasn't enough" you end.

"(Y/n) stop. Please where there are tears there is hope. We are all still here, and we all love you... please (y/n) hold on." Says The Doctor with emotion, but you are gone. 

You turn and smile, tears running down your face.

"I'm really going to miss you all. But I'm done. Goodbye Doctor, goodbye Jenny." You say then blink slowly "Keep my world safe for me, yeah?" You smile one last time and close your eyes, blocking out their screams as you topple gently off the edge, and begin your descent.

* * *

It's funny, you really think you should be more scared, but it's peaceful. 

You are plummeting but floating, drifting and drowning, eyes watering so you close them and let your body go completely loose. 

You do wish it were quieter, the roaring of the freezing wind in your ears drowns out all your thoughts but perhaps it was easier this way. No thoughts and no tears. You should have done this sooner. You were leaving, and there was one lone thought that swelled deeper than any other. 

You were going to see your Mother and Abi again. 

So you stop resisting the wind and allow it to deafen you, just enjoying the fall, not thinking about hitting the ground, surely you'd be unconscious by then, with the air running out... 

A deep vibration explodes from your back in every direction, and you are suddenly aware that whatever air you were gasping for is heavy and liquid. 

Against your will your eyes try to open, and you gasp again for air. 

You choke on water- Water?! -and feel yourself sink lower and lower into darkness. 

You inhale mouthful after mouthful, an intense headache plaguing your skull, as you spin and rotate in the water. 

You want to accept defeat but your lungs are fighting. 

Actually the dark is fading, and you can feel hands under your chest, pulling you up and up and up, until you break the surface and feel moist air. You are weak and hazy, lights too bright and water too warm. 

Warm, everything is warm, especially the hands around your chest, towing you through the water. 

You feel yourself hit solid wall and sense more hands pulling you form the liquid depths. 

In spite of everything a thought drifts into your beaten head. 

You were dying, and now you are not. 

The thought itself almost kills you with disappointment. 

"I've got her!" Someone shouts, a man, and you feel strong arms pull you from the water, bright lights all around you, and through your frozen clothes you feel thrumming beneath you. The Tardis then.

You are flopped across the warming floor where you lie as the man leaves you. With a dull whooshing noise you sense them pull someone else from the water. A woman, judging by the gasping and light footsteps.

"Doctor what do we do?" Calls the man anxiously, lightly caressing your face. 

Nothing in the world could make you open your eyes. The fear was too real.

Someone falls to their knees beside you, and you know they are soaking wet and shivering. They lean down over your face and everything goes quiet.

"She's breathing, she's alive, Jenny it's ok she's alive" she gabbles randomly, and you feel them both relax.

"Oh thank for thank god thank god" the man replies sounding giddy with relief.

"Yes, Jenny she's alive, but now you are going to have to trust me." The woman says seriously, and despite everything you are listening through the fog. 

"We have to take her back; She's not safe, and you know what has to happen now." She says seriously.

Those words are enough to make you pass out, and that's exactly what you do.


	8. Returned

TW: psych wards and self harm 

Maybe it's the smell, or the unnaturally crisp anti-suffocation bed sheets, or the lack of fresh air because the windows don't open, or the pathetic pillows that your head sinks right into. 

Whatever it is, when you wake, you know exactly where you are. 

You keep your eyes shut for as long as possible   
before opening them where you don't even sigh. It's just not worth it. Nothing's changed, all white and clean, in fact you might even be in the same room. Although they do all look the same.

"Ah you're awake" a kind nurse says with a smile which you fail to return due to the overwhelming sense of deja vu. 

You listen to the her hum complacently nearby as you try to shake off the drowsiness surrounding you.

"It's ok, you're fine, sit up slowly now" she says watching you rise, shaking your head to clear it.

"What happened?" You say blankly. You know where you started and you know where you are now, but you have no idea of the in between.

"You had an accident my dear. Gave us all quite a fright too might I say" she says with a chuckle, pouring you a glass of water. 

"I fell" you say, confused, but you are sure that happened.

"Yes into a lake, don't worry it wasn't very far. Some Good Samaritan called the ambulance and you were saved in a jiffy" she says contentedly. 

Of course, cover story. 

"Didn't catch their name, just said they were a Doctor of some kind. Said they were glad you were safe, and to take good care of you." She finishes, wheeling her trolley to the door. 

She is still humming, but you rather like it.

"It's alright my love, you're safe now" she says with a warm smile, catching your broken expression, as she exits shutting the door behind her. 

You lie back, not touching the water she's left you.

So this was it. 

You close your eyes, and vow never to open them until this nightmare was over.

* * *

Hours bleed into days, days crawl into weeks, weeks snail into months, and nothing. 

You didn't expect them to release you from the ward, but you couldn't help hoping. 

They knew you jumped, and that was enough. 

Reasons beyond didn't matter. 

You are unaware of anything except the constant stream of distorted pictures that play around your mind. 

The Doctors tell you it is psychosis, and that is should disappear when you get better. It was a good idea to motivate you, but you just don't care.

You are friendless and alone. Creativity alludes you, and your attempts to speed up the remainder of your life are unsuccessful.

You trying starving yourself, but they stick a tube down your throat. You try stashing your meds, but they find them. You try escaping but they catch you. 

People come and go, but you don't talk to them. 

A month in and they finally tell you where Georgie went, she was released a few weeks after you escaped. 

You didn't even get to say goodbye, let alone go to her funeral. 

They talk at you, and you nod and pretend to participate. You rate your mood and they almost believe you, but you never get close enough. You don't even have to prevent your mind from wandering. It's stuck in a simple thought sequence. 

Doctor means medical personnel. Jenny is a girls name. Yaz is short for Yasmin, one of the nurses is called that. Abigail means nothing. They are just names. Utterly meaningless. Time moves but you don't. You haven't in such a long time. A year comes and goes and you don't notice. Time is a construct. 

You are stuck in this loop of thought about time for the thousandth time when you dully register a commotion in the hallway. 

You rise at the sound of a voice that almost seems familiar. 

You pad softly to the door and look round the corner, finding two nurses pinning down a girl with blood running down her face. 

She turns her head of bright red hair in your direction and you catch her eye. The connection lasts no longer than a second before you retreat. 

You know her. It's her, it's definitely her. How long has it been? Three years? Four? You met her the day you left. So Codie never did achieve her goal. 

Lucky her, she gets to rot in here instead. 

She is lead away, snarling and screaming until you are left stood in the middle of the hall, staring at the spot she had just occupied. You blink in bemused surprise, your brain hasn't properly worked hard in some time, when something shiny catches your eye. 

You know what it is. 

You run in three strides, bending quickly to scoop it into your hand. Happiness, the first emotion you've felt in months beside numbness, envelops you. 

You almost skip to your room and barricade the door. It won't keep them out long, but it'll be enough. They'll be too late. 

You run to the bathroom and roll up your sleeve, power coursing through your veins at your stroke of luck. 

You want to savour the moment, but they could be back any second. You open your palm and gaze lovingly at the blade, before digging it across your wrist without hesitation, because this is what you have wanted for so long. You are certain in that. 

You watch the Scarlet pool grow, and your hand deplete into a pale comparison. 

You don't stop. 

You don't bother making last thoughts, you've done that enough times. They'll know what you would say and the thanks you would give. 

You were happy, and that was all that mattered. 

This time you've got it right. It's perfect. 

You roll onto your side and let your eyes close. You hadn't lost your touch. You were effective as ever. 

The last thing you see is an image of yourself, lifeless and peaceful at last.

Goodbye horrible thing.


	9. Unsettled

Yaz wakes, gasping as she fights for air to enter her demanding lungs. 

The steady whirl of the thrumming machinery under her bed relaxes the girl slightly. This meant she was safe, she was home. Well, her second home.

The details of the nightmare eluded her. She scrunches her face trying to remember. There had been orange light, and dust, lots of dust. 

Somehow Yaz feels she has had this nightmare before. 

She glances around her little room, not really seeing it. 

It was very pretty, baby blue coloured walls and a polished floor, paintings that should not work together but did. 

It was within the wisdom of the TARDIS that they were aimed at her taste, lots of blonde women. 

And then it came to her, staring at an image of a blonde pixie by the oak door. 

She had dreamed about the Doctor again.

But still it had definitely been a nightmare, which was unusual as most of her dreams concerning the Doctor, which, now she came to think about it, were the vast majority, were good dreams... Yaz blushes at the thought. 

But still it distresses her that this particular dream about The Doctor had been a nightmare.

To settle her mind, she decides to find her girlfriend and confirm her well being. 

It sounded so formal. 

Really she just wanted a hug. 

More blushing commences. 

Then Yaz stops, feet dangling over her bed, hands stroking the extra soft grey coverlet the TARDIS had provided for the winter.

Where did, if at all, The Doctor sleep? Or did she simply wander the TARDIS waiting for the humans to wake? 

It seemed unlikely but Yaz was unsure. 

And if she did sleep, did she dream? Did nightmares plague her, recalling her sad and twisted past from what little she had told her friends? 

Yaz ponders, and is saddened by how little she still doesn't know about The Time Lord.

She needs reassurance badly though, so thinks the console room would be a good place to start. 

Along the way, Yaz realises the reason the dream had scared her so much was because it had been based on truth, a very real and painful memory that Yaz had buried deep, but not deep enough to avoid her subconscious' searching feelers.

Upon recollection, the real memory surfaces, not the vague dream like version, and Yaz remembers.

Remembers running through those halls in the capitol city of Gallifrey, strange orange light illuminating the way, dust covering the floor in a thick carpet, terror alive in her blood, searching, searching for her friend. 

It had been days since they had spoken, and part of Yaz had known those days could be nothing compared to what was to come.

Remembers how she had run with the other survivors, leading the way into a huge chamber, and hurtling down those steps after taking in the unmoving form of the unconscious Doctor, lying on her front, dust scattered across her form, hand up close to her face made invisible by that beautiful cloud of blonde hair.

Remembers how for a minute she had wondered if they were too late, kneeling in front of her broken body, as she touched The Time Lords' hand, relief coursing through her burning blood like morphine as the hand she touched responded slightly.

Remembers how those hazel eyes she loved had opened slightly, acknowledging the words of comfort her friends had spoken in fervent whispers, then smiled, still desperate to reassure her fam to the last.

Remembers how Yaz herself had felt like crying as she took in every graze, every scratch and bruise on the fragile and defeated body lying in front of her, tortured by an apparent friend, knowing she would have done anything in the world to trade places.

Drawn from her deep reverie by her arrival in the console room, Yaz ponders what to do next. 

She had just decided that wandering aimlessly seemed as good a tack as any, when she realises there are too many breaths beside her own.

The TARDIS by night setting (for The Doctor only made the changes for the humans' benefit) had dimmer lighting, with duller glows from the crystals surrounding the console, so Yaz did not immediately noticed the form, lying curled up on her left side some ten feet away on a seated bench not a meter from the console itself.

Yaz crosses quickly from the corridor to the bench in ten short strides, then smiles. 

So Time Lords did sleep. 

Deeply too, for Yaz had not been quiet in her approach, yet the Doctor slept obliviously. 

Eyes adjusting, Yaz notes, glad she had not tripped on them for that would have been sure to wake The Doctor, some tools scattering the floor. 

It seemed The Doctor had been fixing the keyboard, for it lay in many pieces, but had given in to her lethargy. 

Understandable, for that level of chaotic energy must be tiring on the body. 

Yaz smiles, dropping slowly to her knees, looking down at the sleeping woman. She looked, not totally at peace, frown lines still stripped her forehead, but more relaxed than Yaz had seen her since... well since leaving (y/n) behind. 

Yazs' smile vanishes and she recalls the reason she had sought The Doctor in the first place. 

The latter woman continues to sleep, unaware of her friends' concern, head lying on one crooked arm as a pillow, the other dangling off the bench, legs brought up in what looked a rather tense foetal position. 

The Doctor's breathing was perhaps faster than appropriate, her pink lips slightly parted. 

Her delicate rose eyelids were pulled gently over those beautiful hazel eyes Yaz yearned for, chin tucked slightly, tickled gently by the blonde shoulder length hair curling round, framing her face.

The faint light only highlighted the stress in the face Yaz had learned to associate with the violent butterflies in her chest, casting shadows across her skin, paler than Yaz had ever seen it.

The Time Lord snuffles slightly, so she scronched even in sleep, Yaz noted, then sighs and continues her ragged breathing. 

Yaz had not moved from her kneeling position, eyes level with The Doctors' horizontal forehead, when it occurs to her that maybe The Doctor was having a nightmare. 

She ponders waking the woman, but is spared the choice by a sudden ringing of the console phone. 

She gasps and falls backwards, but is saved from a painful collision with the dash by a strong hand that darts out and grabs her arm. 

She turns, astonished at The Doctors' reflexes, who has sat up and adjusted to the situation in half a second.

"Is everything ok my love?" She asks with a cheeky grin, and Yaz utterly melts. 

Yes, everything was ok. 

It always would be with The Doctor. 

She doesn't know how she could have been so nervous to wake her. 

She nods and The Doctor gets clumsily to her feet, looking a little bemused.

"Was I sleeping?" She asks looking at the human. 

"Yeah sorry I didn't mean to wake you..."says Yaz feeling bad.

"Not to worry, my own fault, actually is that the phone?" She asks with a puppy like head turn. 

Yaz giggles and nods. 

For all her wisdom, she could be such a child at times. 

The time lord reaches past and plucks the phone from the bracket, holding it confidently to her ear.

"Hello?" She asks politely, with another content smile at her girlfriend.


	10. Funeral

TW: mentions of suicide

Yaz watches as The Doctors' grin recedes slightly.

"Get Jenny" she hisses from the corner of her mouth, and Yaz turns to do so. 

She senses something is wrong as she runs from the console room, Long dark hair swinging loosely down her back, but realises pretty quickly that she has no idea where Jenny's room is. 

She is spared the problem as she turns a corner and runs straight into him.

"Morning Yaz" he laughs then stops, catching her expression.

"What it it? Is it The Doctor?" He asks urgently, and Yaz nods wordlessly, leading him back to the console room. 

The pair stop as they take in The Doctor, pale as a sheet, knuckles white from one hand gripping the phone, and one clutching the console. 

Yazs' stomach drops as she reads her expression of deepest shock and sadness. This was bad. She takes a step forward, but the time lady doesn't react.

"Doctor?" She hears Jenny ask "mum?" He adds when she doesn't respond. 

"Thank you for letting me know" The Doctor says absently, before placing the phone back on its bracket. 

Yaz and Jenny have no more than a second to get to her as she tips forward as if in slow motion. 

They lunge and grab an arm each, and lower her gently to the ground, where she kneels, head bowed in utter shock.

"Doctor what happened? Who was on the phone? Doctor please!" Begs Yaz anxiously, and the blonde swallows shakily.

"Yaz, Jenny, there's something you need to know" she says seriously without blinking. 

Both hold their breath. 

"It's about (y/n)" she says, but neither react.

"Last night, they found her in her room." She stops and shakes her head in emotional turmoil.

"I'm sorry" she whispers, all remaining strength leaving her voice, unable to go on, but they understand. 

They had feared it every day since they left you at the hospital six months ago. 

They rarely spoke about you anymore, it hurt too much. 

They had made a deal that they would check on you in a year maybe. 

But this, this was too much. 

All three end up slowly on the floor, holding the hands of who knows. Yaz sobs dryly, Jenny bows his head, and The Doctor sits still, blank faced with grief, crossed legs drawn up to her chest, ready to blame herself until the end of time.

* * *

Yaz stands staring at her reflection, but not really seeing herself. 

She smooths down her black dress with clammy palms and breathes. 

She leaves her room, listening to her heels tap against the warm floor and makes her way to the main deck where The Doctor stands, blank facedly flicking the occasional switch. 

She wears a black tux with a bow tie, and her hair is neat and brushed to the side. She doesn't look up, and Yaz is grateful.

Jenny is leaning uncomfortably against a pillar, looking smart in a sharp black suit. 

"Ready?" Says The Doctor expressionlessly, finally looking over at Yaz with a brave face. 

The girl nods in response, and stumbles to hold a pillar as The Tardis takes off. 

Yaz knows where they're going of course, but it doesn't seem real she feels, as The Tardis lands with less fuss than usual. 

Actually she's been quieter than Yaz has ever seen her since (y/n)... Yaz shakes her head and is first out the door. 

She steps into green grass, and spots a small gathering in the distance. It is a chilly day, with a light breeze, which feels nice on their warm skin. 

The others follow Yaz out, shutting the door quietly behind them, and making their way silently over to the concession. 

Barely ten people, Yaz notes with a pang. 

You had lost a lot of friends along the way. 

The trio stand a little way back, listening to the breeze and the minister talk slowly. It doesn't mean much. He didn't know you at all. 

He finishes, and a coffin is lowered into a hole, but isn't filled. Some words are said by the crowd, before a final hymn, then people begin to leave. 

Yaz looks around a little and sees two white graves to the left of this one. Your mother and sister. Yaz sniffs, and feels a warm hand entangle her own. She wipes her eyes, aware of Jenny with his face screwed up in the corner of her vision. 

The Doctor is grieving silently. 

Finally it is just the trio and another man. He was relatively short with uncombed facial hair and grey eyes. 

Something about him doesn't resonate well with Yaz and she takes a blind step back. 

He kneels down and whispers something to the grave, before standing and moving to the white grave of your sister. 

He smiles, but it makes Yaz feels uncomfortable. 

He strokes this grave, and Yaz wants to be sick. 

Without warning, Jenny's fist flies past her face, and sinks deep into the mans'. 

He stumbles and roars, attacking Jenny with all his strength.

"No stop it! JENNY STOP!" Screams The Doctor but the men are fighting properly. They roll on the floor, until The Doctor sends a well aimed kick into the middle of them and they break apart, breathing heavily. 

Yaz stands in shock as Jenny opens his mouth furiously, saying only one word.

"Jay" he hisses and the man freezes. Suddenly it clicks for Yaz and The Doctor, whose faces turn cold.

"How do you know my name" he replies in anger, blood trickling down his lip.

"I know who you are" says Jenny with a menacing look. "I know who you are, and what you did to her. Oh you thought you could get away with it, and you did for so long. That girl, that girl meant the world to me, and now she's dead" he says, voice cracking.

"You're Jay." Says The Doctor in disbelief, holding Jenny back, also breathing heavily.

"She deserves what she got, insane slut. She had it coming" he growls with a thin smile, before turning and walking away, wiping his hand across his chin. 

Jenny goes to follow but The Doctor pulls him back, such was her time lord strength.

"Let him go, he's not worth it. Remember why we're here Jenny. For (y/n)" she finishes, face softening. 

He looks for a second like he's going to fight her, then shakes his head and walks defeatedly back to your grave.


	11. Back

TW: violence/ suicide

Her hand in The Doctor's again, Yaz looks sadly at Jenny's defeated form. 

She really thought it was going to work.

The Doctor is deep in thought, contemplating Jay. 

No wonder you had freaked out upon Jenny suggesting that name. The memories it must have brought up. She should have seen it, should have done something, should have saved you. Instead she let it all happen. 

The Doctor drops her head, unable to look at your grave any longer. 

Jenny kneels, staring intensely at the oak coffin down In the bleak hole. Oak. Same wood as your bedroom door. Jenny suddenly thrusts his fist into the ground and turns to the women behind him. It was necessary. It had to be done. 

"I think it's time to go" says The Doctor quietly, ready to turn.

"No" replies Jenny firmly. The Doctor pauses, having seen this coming.

"Jenny please. There's nothing we can do. We can't change the past, believe me I've tried" she says carefully.

"Time can be rewritten" he responds.

"Not this" she says firmly. "This is a fixed point. (Y/n) died, Jenny. That happened. We can't change it."

Jenny sits back on his heels, hating himself. 

"Then I guess I'll just have to change the future" he says, calmly drawing out a pistol from his pocket.

"Jenny no. I know what you're thinking, it's hard I know but please this isn't the way. I can't lose you too" she says desperately.

"And I have absolutely no intention of going anywhere" he replies. Making the realisation, she gasps, but her has already raised the gun to his head.

"Jenny don't! You don't know that this will work! She's gone! It was all my fault, don't let me lose you too" she cries in anguish, Yaz standing silent and afraid at her side.

"I'm not going anywhere, just changing. And I'm bringing (y/n) back with me" he says, pulling the trigger. 

You shriek in shock and pain, sensation flooding through your veins like poison. You shake and writhe, agony consuming your senses. 

You have no idea of time, direction, place or planet. 

All you know is that you are burning, and burning alive.

"(Y/N)!" Someone screams your name but they are too far away. You shriek some more and feel something solid wrap around your hand. Bright light behind your eyes and the feeling of being lifted, then dropped.

"(Y/n) it's ok! Breathe you're safe!" Your eyes fly open and you roll onto your side, entire form shaking. 

You are lying on soft grass, and there is a bite to the fresh air. So you weren't still in the hospital, then where were you? Outside? You blink in panic and someone's face looms into view. 

"It's ok I've got you" they say brushing your face softly with the their warm hand. Too warm. 

"Doctor?" You say groggily.

"Yes welcome back (y/n), this must be a bit of a shock to you..." she trails off patiently.

"It's really you" you whisper and sit up. Yaz and The Doctor are crouched at your side, smiling anxiously.

"You came back?" You say in wonder, but their smiles vanish and you connect some more dots. "No wait, I was in the hospital... I... I died" you finish in a horrified whisper.

"Well yes, but no" says the time lady carefully. "You died a couple of days ago. We came to your funeral to say goodbye" she smiles softly. "But" she says haltingly, looking slightly stunned.

"But?" You ask, sitting up properly.

"But Jenny couldn't bear to lose you for good. He waited day after day for your return, when I told him what you'd done, he brought you back."

"How" you say in blanket shock.

"He died. He extended his regeneration energy to reach you, and it brought you back. He couldn't bear to live in a world without you (y/n)" 

You digest this slowly. 

He brought you back. 

He was the reason you attempted Suicide once, and he brought you back.

"So he died too?" You ask, voice breaking.

"Well no, not exactly" comes a feminine voice from a distance. The Doctor smiles and shifts out the way, and you watch as a woman with shoulder length curly brown hair and green eyes gets clumsily to her feet. 

Her clothes are several sizes too big, and she trips in her huge shoes, then giggles.

"Hi (y/n)" she whispers, after straightening up.

"Jenny" you breathe and she smiles like the day breaking. She takes a step forward and you don't hesitate.

Jumping to your feet, you run a few steps in her direction while she closes the distance. 

She catches you in her arms and you grip her with all the strength you can find. Never again would you leave her behind.


	12. Moment

"I don't get it" you stutter. "How did you...? I'm alive...? Why did you...?" She laughs at your expression and peels you confidently off her chest, holding you away by the shoulders to scrutinise you reaction.

"One question at a time please, but of course. I died bringing you back, yes you're alive, and why? Because I lived six months without you. And it was six months too many." She finishes with a nervous grin.

"I waited" you swallow, turning to The Doctor who looks at you with intense eyes. "You didn't come back."

"(Y/n) I'm sorry. I had to do what I thought was best. I wanted you to stay, but you were a danger to yourself. You needed watching, and you needed help. One day I hope you can forgive me." She says quietly, Yaz squeezing her hand in reassurance. 

You want to be angry at her, but you just can't. Instead you smile warmly. 

"You did what you thought was best. I understand" you nod. 

You all stand in a slightly awkward silence none of you looking at each other when Jenny breaks the quiet.

"So..? Back to The Tardis?" She says with a grin, before catching your expression and cocking her head to the side. "Everything alright?"

"You're very... different." You say shyly.

"Yes well I'm quite literally a whole new person. But don't worry, same memories, and definitely the same feelings" she whispers that last part in your ear and you blush. 

The Doctor turns and begins to lead the way holding Yazs' hand. You get the impression she wasn't quite done with you, but that was a conversation that was going to have to wait. 

You begin to follow, but stop, clutching your head when a sharp pain stabs your temples. 

You cry out and Jenny grabs your arm, steadying you worriedly. 

"(Y/n) are you ok?" She asks anxiously. You shake your head dizzily, and feel your legs give out, saved from tumbling to the ground by Jenny's strong arms.

"Doctor something's wrong!" She calls and you feel slight dull vibrations in the ground as the blonde runs back to you.

"What happened?" She asks, feeling for a pulse and lightly tapping your face. You moan softly and curl into a ball, feeling warm hands hold you steady.

"I don't know she just fell, oh god is it something I did to her?" Asks Jenny anxiously.

"Maybe... this is new for all of us. Ok don't panic, bring her into The Tardis. Regeneration energy isn't meant for humans. It might just be too much for her. She did only just come back from death after all..."

You feel yourself carried by Jenny at a light jog through the Tardis doors. You wish you could have walked, you would like to have taken in the machine all over again after all this time. 

She carries you close to her chest, and you snuggle into the warmth, listening to the beat of her strong heart.

Bright white lights tell you you have arrived in the medbay, and you feel Jenny go to set you down. You whine softly and grip her closely. Understanding, she turns and sits on the bed with you still her arms, where you flinch involuntarily at the touch of The Doctor running tests and listening to your heart. 

You groan again and she strokes your cheek softly.

"Don't worry sweetheart it's going to be ok" she says quietly. Then "Doctor?"

The pain is being overshadowed by a single image of yourself, fading again, it is temporary and panicked and strong, like a sure drumbeat.

You don't know what's going on but their speech sounds distant, likes it's coming from a long tunnel. Finally The Doctor straightens up.

"She's going to be fine, I think it's just an after reaction to the last of the energy dissipating." She confirms, putting down the stethoscope. "(Y/n)? You're going to be fine, but you need to rest now, and I need to talk to Jenny." She says softly. 

You nod without opening your eyes and feel Jenny set you onto the bed and tuck you in. Too tired to think properly, you allow sleep to take you under.

* * *

You take a few minutes when you wake to think. Just hours before, you had been dead. Jenny brought you back, but it was you that took your life. You were glad to be with her, but what did this mean? Was this the cure? Was this the answer to your problems? We're you different now? Your head aches just thinking about it, so you rise slowly, testing your limbs one at a time. 

What did you want? What did you need? Actually right now you needed the toilet. Luckily there was one opposite the room in the medbay. You relieve yourself and wash your hands, catching your reflection in the mirror, and then it hits you.

Everyone other than the three people on this ship believed you to be dead. 

It shouldn't hurt so much, there wasn't really anyone left you cared about, but it does. 

Did people come to your funeral? You had been buried next your mum and sister... that was nice. You wonder who decided that? Maybe they just made the connection with the surnames. Jay wouldn't have been that considerate. Jay. Did he come you your funeral? Did he cry? Did he say he was going to miss you? Did he pretend he loved you? The thought makes you sick. 

Your head was pounding, and you splash your face with cold water, liking the sound of the running tap. It was settling and mildly painful. 

"Cut it out" you mutter, exhausted, when the psychosis images return to the back of your head. 

They are quieter than usual and deeply sad. You realise that they are probably based off how you feel. That does nothing to improve your mood. You need to shut this up, and there was only one thing that helped.

Surely somewhere on this huge ship was what you were looking for? You leave the bathroom quietly, and lean against a wall tentatively.

"Hello old girl, I was wondering if you could take me somewhere?" You ask and you watch as a door opens ahead. 

You smile and walk through, finding yourself in a room with a huge red piano on a raised stage. You grin, having missed this machine, and make your way up to it. 

Your hands hover uncertainly over the keys, until a song forms. You know it by ear, so play as best you can that way. You sink into the music, utterly losing yourself.

"I walked across  
An empty land.  
I knew the pathway   
Like the back of my hand.  
I felt the Earth, beneath my feet  
Sat by the river and it made me complete.  
Oh simple thing,  
Where have you gone?  
I'm getting tired and I need someone to rely on.  
And if you have a minute why don't we go,  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything,  
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know?"


	13. Together

You finish the song with tears rolling down your cheeks. The last time you heard that song, your mum was singing it under her breath to get Abigail to sleep.

"I didn't know you could sing" someone comments quietly. You jump, having been in your own world, spinning round on the stool to take in The Doctor leaning casually against the doorframe with an amused expression on her face.

You shrug and turn back, wiping your face. She stops then speaks.

"I know who you feel" she says quietly.

"No you don't" you scoff, surprisingly angry.

"Well let me have a guess then" she says, approaching from the side to stay in your eyeline before sitting next to you on the seat. 

"You're happy because you have Jenny back, and she's a woman again, you're sad because you thought you were finally at peace, you're guilty because you aren't happy enough, and you're dreading your future and what's to come now. You're also resentful of the fact that you came close to being with your sister, and a little angry that you were brought back." She finishes. "Somewhat accurate?" She says after another pause.

"And that's just the beginning" you sigh.

"We're going to help your through this" she whispers at you and you nod.

A single image due to your psychosis floats in front of your vision, it comes and goes in an instant but it's enough for you to read it. 

It's The Doctor, sat at the very piano, playing a beautiful song. The notes float around the reverberating image, and you can pick them out steadily. 

A sudden feeling drifts around you like an aura, and you lift your fingers to play the gentle tune you've never played before. In fact you've never even heard it before. 

It's strange and beautiful, and makes you want to cry and smile at the same time. It comes to your fingertips naturally like you've known it your whole life, but you are certain she's never played it for you before. 

You finish and smile sheepishly, but you are not expecting the expression on The Doctors' face. She looks utterly horrified. Your own face drops and you feel strangely scared.

"Where... where did you hear that?" She asks, sounding serious and almost angry. You recoil, very concerned.

"I don't know. It just came to me!" You lie quickly.

She steps off the stool and looks you in the eye with a strange look of dread.

"I'm sorry Doctor what is it? I've never played that song in my life, does it mean something to you?" You ask. 

She steps further back and runs her hands through her hair, looking slightly deranged for a moment, before she pauses and breathes.

"You've really never heard that before?" She asks shrewdly and you nod, really quite scared.

"Just, just don't play it again" she says, before turning and exiting. 

You sit still, left to wonder what on Earth just happened.

* * *

You sleep in your room that night, making your nest on the floor like nothing had changed, which, you supposed, it hadn't. 

You fall asleep easily but wake several times in the night due to an unmoving feeling of unease. You rise early and pad softly into the console room. 

It's just you and The Tardis. It feels like home. She thrums softly and you smile. Maybe it was a good nights sleep, or because you were older, or more wise now, but you could clearly translate what she was saying.

"Yes I'm fine thank you" you reply with a weak smile. 

She doesn't believe you. 

"Well I will be when the others wake up." You say and she agrees.

"Actually I meant to ask you something" you say suddenly and she seems to listen up. "You took me to the music room late night, and I played a song that I don't even know the name of." She hums in question. 

"Yes well The Doctor reacted... strangely" you say and she makes another questioning noise. 

"She looked like she'd seen a ghost. She was angry. And scared" you finish, Running your fingers along the console. Without thinking about it, you begin to hum the song under your breath. 

You feel the Tardis tense and suddenly let out an alarmed thrum.

"Ok ok! I'll stop!" You say apologetically. She seems frightened, and you stroke her gently to calm her down.

"What is it? What's the song? Why are you both so afraid?" You ask desperately.

"Because that is a song from my home planet." Replies The Doctor, you gasp and drop to the floor in fear. She was standing right behind you. You hadn't been concentrating on your surroundings enough, and had ignored the image of feet along the Tardis corridors, telling you someone was fast approaching. 

It scared you how accurate your psychosis could be sometimes...

"Don't do that!" You gasp, clutching your chest.

"Sorry sorry" she says pulling you to your feet. You shake off her touch and she puts down the box she is holding. 

"God how do you approach so quietly?" You ask trying to catch your breath.

"Time Lord tricks" she responds, eyeing you closely.  
"What are you doing up so early?" She asks.

"Talking to The Tardis" you respond truthfully as she scrutinises you.

"Yes..." she says looking up. "You sure were".

A little worried you step back but she then smiles kindly.

"Sorry (y/n) I honestly didn't mean to scare you" she says sincerely and you nod believing her.

"I think, I think I must have heard that song from The Tardis or Jenny maybe" you lie and she nods sadly.

"Yeah probably" she replies, and you turn to leave, but spin round at the last minute.

"I won't play it again thought Doctor." You say carefully and she nods again. "But- can I ask? What does the song mean?" 

She looks up, visibly confused. 

"What does it mean?" She repeats confused.

"Yeah. It's so sad, but happy too, like death and birth" you reply.

"Well that would make sense" she smiles slightly. "It's a lullaby" she responds matching your expression.

"It's beautiful" you say quietly, and leave before she has the chance to say anything else.


	14. Whales

The next morning you dress in black corduroy dungarees and tie your hair into two french braids. You are about to leave your room when someone knocks at the door. 

Cautiously you crack it open, and there stands Jenny. 

She takes one look at you and giggles.

"What?" You say self consciously, before looking at her outfit and laughing too. You were dressed very similarly, her own dungarees were a deep brown with more pockets, and of course it suited her new body, She looked very pretty.

"Just surprised is all." She laughs. "I thought we could walk to the console room together?" She suggests sounding almost nervous. You smile and nod, watching as her grin widens, a blush appearing across her cheeks. Her curly hair is a loose cloud on her shoulders, and it reacts to every small movement she makes. It's really quite cute.

You walk together, making polite conversation until you walk into the main deck and see The Doctor who smiles a greeting. You hang back a little, worried she may be angry at you for last night, but her smile is genuine. 

"Morning you two, where are we going today?" She asks brightly and you shrug looking at Jenny.

"Ok anywhere it is!" She says brightly as Yaz enters, long hair over one shoulder. The Doctor is easily distracted. 

That's when you see something again... soft and vibrant with warmth and tone. It's mostly black, with swirls of deep colour. Pretty and light, and intense with feeling. It makes you feel slightly sick, like you've just eaten an entire box of rich chocolate.

Unconsciously you gag, and Jenny looks at you concern. She opens her mouth but stops to grab a pillar as The Tardis takes off. 

This psychosis was worrying you now. You didn't know what that was, but it had mange to show you an image of what was actually about to happen yesterday when The Doctor made you jump. Surely this was just coincidence however.

It was as a result of your fluctuating mental health, but you really would have thought it should have stopped by now.

Your senses settle and you push these scary thoughts to the side, giving her a reassuring smile which she returns uncertainly. 

You land, and can instantly hear strange drumming coming from outside the doors.

The Doctor pokes her head out then withdraws with a hiss and an eye roll. She hops back in and down a side corridor, appearing moments later with armfuls of coats. She throws one at Yaz, then Jenny then yourself, and finally a long dark one over herself. 

You all dress, then follow her out into the pouring rain. 

"Oh great" mutters Jenny as she leads the way after the eccentric blonde.

"Aww come on its not that bad!" Pouts The Doctor which makes you laugh. "Not that bad" wasn't how you would describe it.

You definitely weren't on planet Earth, as the rain drops were the size of golf balls, and the ground was soft and absorbent like a sponge. Apparently this weather was common.

"Doctor where are we?" Calls Yaz over the thundering rain.

"89th Bosaj Aphron!" She yells back "rains 422 days of the year and in every direction, over 89% of the planet is water!" So you were standing on one of the few patches of land this planet had to offer. 

You look around and notice you are stood on a small island with not much vegetation, except ankle height grass that looks grey-green and sturdy. Maybe not much can survive this level of rain and lack of sunlight. 

You look up upon hearing The Doctor whistle loudly across the strong sea. She does this again, one long note that Jenny repeats making you giggle. She winks at you and does it again. 

Near the shore you note a disruption below the surface. You are slightly worried, but The Doctor grabs Yazs' hand and pulls her confidently to the shoreline, toes almost touching the grey water. 

Yaz gasps as two huge beasts the size of large whales erupt from the surface. They are purple with this planets' signature grey tinge to their skin. You should be scared, but you feel strangely calm, certain they won't hurt you by the soft hums they are making.

"What are they?" You whisper in awe, following Jenny closer.

"Transport" she replies and you smile fondly.

"They're Cajole Whales" responds The Doctor with an eye roll at her daughter who sticks her tongue out. 

"Come on" the blonde grins mischievously, and lifts a shrieking Yaz carefully into her arms. She wades about three feet in before thrusting the girl onto its back where she snorts unattractively. The Doctor laughs and climbs on behind, using one of the whales' fins as leverage. You laugh at Yazs' expression before realising what is coming next.

"Your turn" Grins Jenny slyly, and you feel the ground disappear from under your feet as she lifts you comfortably into her arms. You squeal and grip her, all three women laughing at you, and you gasp as you are placed on the whales' back. 

It's blubber is rubbery and absorbent, and surprisingly dry. Jenny settles herself behind you, and you blush as her hands find your waist. You sense her sniggering at your reaction, and glance across to the other two. 

Yaz is having a similar feeling apparently, for her cheeks are also burning crimson. You laugh and she shoots you a raised eye brow look that shuts you up. 

With a deep hum, you feel the beast turn clockwise, and head out into the ocean, keeping its back with its passengers safely above the water line. The Doctor and Yaz ride out to your left, and, gripping your legs firmly to the warm blubber, you stretch your arms out. 

The rain wasn't so severe out in the sea, just a light spray that felt cool and refreshing. 

You weren't often grateful to be alive, but right now, your friends near, and Jenny at your waist humming Titanic in your ear with your arms outstretched, alive felt like enough.


	15. Fixed

You feel your steed begin to slow down after about twenty minutes and grab back on the soft blubber. You look down at the land feet below.

"Are we stopping?" You ask Jenny, turning back to look at her.

"No" she frowns, looking over at The Doctor. "We shouldn't be stopping yet" she adds, before you feel a huge lurch that almost unseats you. Jenny helps you down and you hop the waves to avoid getting your feet wet. You slip and fall completely over, gasping as you stand, sopping wet. 

Laughter erupts around you and you scowl, wringing our your soaked clothes with little success. You start to shiver, and Jenny stops laughing. 

She takes off her coat and wraps it around you. It's too big but the unnatural warmth generated from her body passes over. You snuggle into it gratefully and she smiles, but you are a little worried she'll be cold now. She doesn't look it though.

You shift to watch the whales disappear below the surface, catching an image of their sadness before they submerge completely.

"Are they that sad to see us go?" You joke unthinkingly, but receive only blank expressions. 

"What do you mean?" Asks Yaz and you realise you shouldn't have said that.

You shake your head and turn to The Doctor who eyes you suspiciously before talking.

"Something's blocking the way across the sea, I'm not sure what, but I have a feeling they can tell us." She says indicating some smoke in the distance. You nod and follow her for another fifteen minutes before arriving at a small village with wooden shack houses with an abandoned holiday resort feel to it. On the shoreline men are dragging heavy logs and piling them high.

"Excuse me" calls The Doctor and three or four men straighten up. Something feels ominous here. "What are you doing with all those logs?" She asks lightly. They chuckle and return to work, ignoring her.  
She frowns and steps forwards. "I asked what you are doing" she says dangerously and one man scowls.

"What does it look like woman? Wood for the dams obviously" he mutters lifting one onto his shoulder with a grunt.

"You can't build dams, the whales will be trapped either side!" She says in horror.

"Not our problem" he replies then walks away.

The Doctor turns to you all with a determined look and you smile. This was a look you knew well.

"I don't think anything we say or do is going to change their minds" she says lowly, and Yaz nods sadly.

"We could just blow the dams up?" Offers Jenny and you snigger. 

"No violence!" Scolds The Doctor with a disapproving look 

"And besides, they would probably just rebuild them" adds Yaz.

"Well..." you say, uncertain of your idea. They look at you with interest, but it's the encouraging nod from Jenny that sparks your confidence. "We could show them the affects of what they're doing, see" you start slowly. "If they could see how sad the whales were, they might just change their mind" you finish and The Doctor gives you a calculating look. "Nice pick up, I thought I was the only one who noticed" she approves and you smile.

"Ok then gang! Lads? Fam?" She pulls a thinking face and Yaz smiles fondly at her charisma. "I'm going to use my sonic to boost the signal of the whales! But I'm going to need some serious height. Jenny?" She says and the woman nods. 

Jenny grabs your hand and pulls you into the treeline before crouching down. You look at her bemusedly as she pulls out a knife from her leather calf belt and starts hacking joints into a nearby fallen log, about six times your height. When she has finished she indicates you to grab the other end, and together you haul it onto the beach. 

Jenny then starts to dig a hole and you help, finding strong rocks to help. In the corner of your eye you watch Yaz slapping the water with her hands, and The Doctor pointing her sonic at the emerging whales. She signals to Yaz and they make their way back up the beach. They meet you with a smile each and help you prop the pole up in the hole. It stands about thirty feet up, and to your horror, The Doctor puts the sonic between her teeth and begins to climb, using the grooves Jenny had previously had dug out.

"Oh you've got to be kidding" you mutter and Jenny laughs.

"She'll be fine" she adds to you and Yaz catching your worried expressions. "Just help me keep it steady" she adds and you grip the pole with all your strength. 

She reaches the top in under a minute, where, to Your horror she stands, swaying slightly. 

"Doctor be careful!" Yells Yaz and you're glad she said it and not you. You feel all your muscles tense as you brush lightly against Yazs' shoulder, and you see an image of The Doctor, sprawled on the ground and unmoving. 

You squeeze them shut, blocking it out and trying to focus on holding the pole steady, but the image assaults you again.

You gasp but are suddenly hit with deep resonating sound waves, an accurate echo of the whales' mournful song of incapacitation. Tears prick your eyes but you ignore them. Watching as the men down the beach drop their equipment and turn to listen. 

You don't know what they're thinking, but you hope they are regretting their choices. The Doctor slides down and lands neatly on the balls of her feet, turning to watch the men with a triumphant smirk, but not before Yaz throws herself at the blonde and they tumble to the ground. You and Jenny let the pole fall too.

"Don't ever scare me like that again!" Says Yaz breathlessly, looking down at The Doctor beneath her.

"It's ok babe, I know what I'm doing" she says softly, sad she had caused her love so much distress. You turn and shake you head, feeling Jenny place her steadying hands on your shoulders.

"(Y/n) are you alright?" She asks in concern and you nod, afraid to open your mouth. Afraid of what is happening. Because now you can't deny it. You look out to sea and contemplate. You had thought it was psychosis from the mental hospital, but this, this was something else. 

First the Gallifreyan lullaby, then seeing The Doctor approaching, then the whales' sadness, and now this. 

Watching Yazs' fears as she thought them, you couldn't avoid the conclusion any longer. 

Your insanity was clearly some kind of telepathy.


	16. Compile

You sit at the piano of the Tardis, deliberating what to do. You decide to compile facts. Firstly, you could see images, strongest and clearest when you happened to come in contact with someone. You didn't dare think thoughts. They were translucent and didn't block your vision completely, but were gone within a second.

At the hospital you had brushed it off, living in a dream like state made you believe you were going insane. They had diagnosed you with psychosis, and you had accepted it. But now you were out, and safe, and they weren't stopping.

You shiver slightly, leaning back on the hard stool. 

So maybe they were stronger when you came in contact? But close proximity also triggers it? Or was it the intensity of the thought? Or both? You had noticed that the time you spent alone with Yaz or The Doctor, you found yourself thinking about the other, was that a reflection of their thoughts?

Actually that was sweet, how pure their love was. 

Taking inspiration, you pull a song to the front of   
your mind and rest your fingers gently on the keys. 

Inspired by them, you play steadily, humming along to the tune, utterly losing yourself in its power. It swells and drops, melody fading and rising back again with sure love. It was blissful, and reminded you of summer rain, and honey and fluff and slippers and chocolate. 

You finish but leave your hands resting on the keys, breathing deeply. Truly, you were happy they were able to share such a beautiful and unique connection. But that didn't stop the creeping horror at what you could do. Were you a mind reader? Of sorts? Did it matter? You feel a chill spread across your bones at your next thought. How would they react when you told them? If you told them? You couldn't, you just couldn't bear to see the shock and betrayal in their eyes. It wasn't going to happen.

* * *

The next morning you pad softly to the kitchen to grab some food. You'd slept on it, and reasoned that is anyone could help you, it would be The Doctor. 

At that moment you feel an image come on and see a corridor, with the door to the kitchen ahead. So she was coming. Sure enough, she steps around the door and is surprised to see you up so early again. Safe to say you hadn't slept well last night. 

"Morning" she says and you nod, a little flummoxed and worried.

"Is everything alright?" She asks mildly and you shrug carelessly, sticking your hand in a packet of cornflakes and nibbling at a handful. She smiles and you grin back, trying to ease your racing heart.

"(Y/n) is something up? Your heart is racing." She asks concernedly and you groan internally. Damn Time Lord hearing.

"Yeah no all good" you stammer and she scrutinises you carefully. You catch another image of the same corridors; so this was Yazs' point of view. 

You look up expectantly and she arrives moments later.

You catch another sudden image of The Doctor throwing a cake at you, and whip round right as she actually launches it. You catch it in one fist and crush it, glaring at her.

"The hell was that for!?" You say, flicking your buttercreamed hand around to release the sticky cake. You look up and she is wearing a strange expression, a mix of a frown, with a little apprehension.

"Good reactions" she comments lightly and you freeze. There's was no way she knew, she couldn't be testing you, absolutely not... but still...

Yaz hands you a tea towel and you scrape the last of the cream and sponge mess off, flicking a bit at The Doctor who dodges and smiles. 

Scowling, you turn to leave, skulking along to the console room. It was also a waste of a perfectly good cake.

Entering, you find The Tardis working to avoid you.

"What?" You say and you feel her thrum in amusement.

"Oh you were watching, of course" you say, flopping down next to a pillar and crossing your arms.

"It's not funny, this is serious" you say crossly and she hums sympathetically.

"Absolutely not, you have no idea" you say, voice catching. She is intrigued and you sigh.

"They know I'm a freak, they know I self harm, that I'm suicidal, that I disregard my life as worthless so easily, and they still accept me. Who else would ever do that?" You ask and she warms her floor beneath you, and you pat the dash gently in response.

"I can't make them deal with this too, it's too big, too scary. Am I... am I even human anymore?" You whisper and she hums again in comfort. The Doctors POV of approaching the console room makes you stop. 

You really didn't want to talk to her right now. 

Jumping to your feet, you run out the opposite corridor you know she's coming down, planning on heading back to your bedroom, only you stop when she enters the room, looking around then sighing.

"Where did she go?" She asks the machine. You hold your breath but The Tardis is silent.

"Come on I need to talk to her, where did she go?" Repeats The Doctor, and the Tardis thrums in innocence.

"I'm just worried" mumbles The Doctor and suddenly you feel bad. She always wanted to help you, you got that, but this, surely she would turn away. So you would do it first.

Suddenly you get a picture from The Tardis of your location and you scowl at the betrayal. Wasting time, for the blonde looks over and raises her eyebrows.

"I know you're there" she says and you sigh, stepping out.

"Traitor" you hiss at The Tardis who thrums in apology.

"Yeah you're right, I could never be mad at you" you say fondly, rolling your eyes. 

"You can hear her very well" comments The Doctor, and you keep her distance as she leans casually against a golden pillar.

"Yes..." you say suspiciously. Maybe that was part of your abilities?

"What are you thinking?" She asks shrewdly, looking you in the eye.

"Nothing" you reply and she frowns.

"(Y/n) I'm not stupid, I know something is going on. I could help" she offers and you shake your head.

"(Y/n)?" She encourages as you shuffle your feet.

There's just a lot going on right now" you say carefully and she nods understandingly. 

"If you ever want to talk, you know where I am" she smiles sadly which you return, before taking your opportunity, and leaving her in silence.


	17. Sketch

You stay up late that night, thinking through possibility after possibility of why you had these abilities, creeping back to the console room long after Jenny and Yaz have gone to bed, sketchbook in hand. 

Tired of searching for an explanation, with sleep alluding you, you needed to escape.

You sit yourself on the deck facing the Tardis console and try to understand yourself in the low golden light courtesy of Tardis night setting.

She hums a greeting and you put a finger to your lips. She understands and goes quiet.

You shiver. 

It had to be something to do with the regeneration energy, surely. This was all so new to you, and you hadn't put much thought into it in the past, brushing it off as a side affect of extensive therapy, drugs, trauma and mental illnesses. But now you were free, and it wasn't stopping. In fact, you feel it might be getting stronger.

"Still awake?" Someone asks but this time you don't jump. You had known she would be approaching. 

You sigh and nod as The Doctor comes into view. 

Ignoring her resolutely, you pick up your drawing pad, sketching out the Tardis interior to distract yourself from your mild panic.

"Do you want to talk yet?" She asks and you shake you head again. She shrugs and starts pulling plugs from the main screens, ending up with thirty or forty lying on the ground around her. 

You continue to sketch, not really paying attention as soft images emanate from the back of your head, and pictures float in front of your vision of The Doctor and what she was doing next. It was actually quite peaceful, and handy not to live in a heightened state of anxiety at what the people around you would do next. But you couldn't think like that. You could be dangerous for all you knew.

You blink after half an hour and truly focus on what you have produced. You groan and rip the page out, scrunching it into a ball and lobbing it at The Doctor, the building stress finally causing you to lose your temper.

"Ouch" she cries rubbing her head as the missile hits her.

"Would you stop thinking about Yaz for one bleeding second!" you hiss angrily and she flinches in confusion. 

"How did you know I...?" She begins but you groan again and whack your head back in the pillar in frustration.

"Hey hey now don't do that!" she says in concern running over to you with her coat wafting out behind her, paper ball in hand. 

You sigh and she looks down, smoothing open the paper and staring at it for a minute.

"You drew Yaz?" She says, surprised.

"No, I drew The Tardis, Yaz just got in the way" you mutter sullenly.

"(Y/n)? Tell me what's going on?" She says quietly, gripping the paper.

"I can still see them!" You explode, furious. "I fucking HATE it! I was told it would stop, that it was a symptom" you yell standing up with a long suppressed deep rage that had reached boiling point. 

"(Y/n) calm down!" Says The Doctor in alarm and you try to take a breath. The Doctor darts forward and grabs your hands in shock, steadying you, and you catch a fleeting image of The Doctor restraining you and you slap yourself hard across the face to stop it. 

You feel the impact and she looks at you worriedly.

"(Y/n) tell me what's happening! I can help!" She exclaims in panic. 

You feel all your strength leave you in one go, and slide your back done the pillar in defeat, tears rolling down your cheeks. 

"I can still see them" you whisper with your eyes shut, utterly exhausted.

"Explain (y/n) please, I'm begging you" she says carefully and you sigh.

"The last time I was in hospital it began. I was so unwell, but the Doctors told me it was psychosis, but it's not. Only I was told it would stop." You try to explain, your breath hitching. "It's not going away! I've tried everything! And it hurts" you sob and The Doctor holds you tightly. You don't even try to get away.

"It's ok (y/n), it's all going to be ok" she soothes, stroking the back of your head. "Come with me, and we'll run a couple of tests" she pulls you to your feet and leads you into the medbay, where she scans you with different devices and does numerous tests, tapping and taking samples, asking you question after question which you try your best to answer.

"Ok (y/n) don't panic, but I have a theory" she says calmly and you sit up, taking notice.

"When the regeneration energy hit you the first time, it couldn't originally find anything to fix. Physically, you were healthy, but it needed to dissipate the energy somehow, so it tried to heal you mentally." 

You stiffen at her words but she continues. 

"It couldn't change your past, but it could protect you from the future. It gave you some level of telepathic understanding. From what you've told me, you can see to some degree what people are thinking, in a single image, especially in contact, to give you some context to your surroundings. If someone were you hurt you, you would be forewarned, which I'm guessing is why you don't flinch as much at my touch. The energy thought it was helping you." She finishes and you take it all in.

She unfurls the drawing again and holds it up.

"I was concentrating on Yaz, so you saw her" she marvels and you nod, embarrassed.

"(Y/n) this is nothing to be ashamed of" she says softly and you break eye contact and shake your head.

"I'm even more broken than I thought" you mutter, hoping she couldn't hear you. Of course her time lord ears pick that up.

"You're not broken, you're gifted" she says "But you do need to understand the danger in this. No one should have this insight, you're going to have to be very careful." she says and you look up sadly. 

"I won't touch anyone." You say, feeling diseased.

"That's not what I meant. But there are many creatures in this universe who would greatly benefit from your abilities." She says and you nod.

"You can't tell the others!" you beg, seeing an image of her sitting them down and telling them straight.

"Very good" she says with a smile and you huff. Another test.

"Don't worry, this stays between us" she says, and you utterly believe her. What other choice did you have. Your secret was out.


	18. Asked

"Ok ok! Bad idea! How was I supposed to know that?" Argues The Doctor sulkily, closing the door behind you all as you run back into The Tardis. She leaps into the deck and you take off, You and Yaz laughing hysterically.

"Oh yes how on Earth were you supposed to know? It's not like they asked for your hand in marriage and you accepted!" Says Jenny sarcastically and you laugh, if possible, even harder. 

The Tardis thrums in amusement and you feel the ship stop whirring, drifting freely though space.

The Doctor crosses her arms and glares at you two humans.

"Stop laughing, it isn't funny!" She says but her lip is twitching.

"So when should I save the date?" You ask innocently and she scowls and turns back to the controls. 

It was so The Doctor to get distracted while the emperor was talking and accidentally accept his marriage proposal.

"Stop it I'm not marrying him! I can't be married to two monarchs" she sighs and stabs a button.

"You what?" You say, stunned.

"Well technically I'm still married to Queen Elizabeth I" she brushes off.

"Thanks for telling me" says Yaz with an eye roll, and The Doctor looks up worriedly, but the girl is smiling.

"After all this time, so full of surprises" she says, and you see The Doctor as Yaz sees her. You roll your eyes. You were getting heartily sick of those two.

"Don't worry, there's plenty more to come" replies The Doctor, pulling the human closer. Yaz giggles and blushes, and you see them embrace in your head. Right on cue, The Doctor leans across and presses her lips onto the humans' and they both relax, smiling into the kiss.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me" says Jenny, pulling off her boot and throwing it at the pair. 

They break apart and scowl at her, making you laugh. 

"She's got a point, public space" you mutter and Yaz flushes again. 

They settle down on the step and sit cuddling, actually very cute. They stay there for a while, and you sit some distance away staring into nothingness, absorbing the peace of their company. 

You don't know Jenny is approaching you until she sits right next to you, which is strange but you ignore it. You don't know nearly enough about your extra abilities to make assumptions.

"You don't flinch any more" she notes and you tense, this having been the last thing you expected. 

Because yes, your extra senses made you less cautious, if someone was going to hurt you, you would surely be able to see it coming in their intentions.

"I'm getting better" you say carefully and she smiles. 

You try to search any images of what she might do next, but all you can see is The Doctor and Yaz, both thinking of each other.

You scowl trying to work it out and she strokes your forehead gently, trying to ease the visible tension. 

You relax back, falling into comfortable silence. 

Jenny clears her throat awkwardly and you look at her expectantly.

"I was just wondering, if maybe at some point, you'd like to get dinner?" She stutters, usual confidence slightly knocked. 

You blush ridiculously and try to look her in the eyes, caught off guard, pulled from your reverie. 

"Er yeah, yes I would like that" you stammer and she smiles and nods.

"Great, I'll get The Doctor to drop us somewhere nice, is tomorrow night ok?" She asks.

"Yes" you simply say, feeling nervous and excited. Which was stupid. She just wanted to get to know you more. Nothing strange about that. She liked you as a friend. And you liked her as a friend too. Yes that was it.

You lean back and close your eyes, unconsciously resting slightly on her shoulder. She doesn't seem to mind. 

The images from the pair weren't that intrusive, but you didn't want to listen to them, you wanted to hear Jenny. You sigh and get to your feet.

"It's late" you say and she nods goodnight. You respond similarly.

But you had no intention of going to bed just yet, and The Tardis was way ahead of you. She takes you directly to the music room where you seat yourself comfortably, and begin to write down the notes from your head onto a handy piece of paper. 

You sit for maybe an hour before you are made aware of someone approaching the usual way. Of course it's The Doctor. 

Your abilities were unnerving to say the least, but it was nice that she could no longer creep up on you, when you were paying attention, that was.

"What are you up to?" She asks, and you turn to face her, knowing exactly where she would be.

"Trying to get you out of my head" you respond truthfully.

She chuckles "and how's that going?" She asks.

You put down the paper on the stand and begin to play what you have successfully transcripted. The notes flow easily to your fingers, and you are shocked at how accurately you have translated from your head to paper. The warmth of the emotion doesn't quite translate, but it still makes you feel a similar way.

You finish and look up, surprised at The Doctors' expression. She looks so...happy. Genuinely happy, without a care in the world.

"What was that?" She asks breathlessly and you smile at her happiness.

"It's how you feel in each others' company, you and Yaz that is." You say cautiously.

"It's beautiful" she says and you smile, glad she likes it. "It's perfect for Yaz" she adds in wonder and you laugh lightly.

"There's more, but it's difficult to convey. And I'm not always in the mood to see your love" you say turning back to they keys. 

She rests her hand gently on yours, and your own hand flies suddenly to your head as your try to swat away the the horrific image that has just come from The Doctors' mind. 

It was you, tied up and sweating and bleeding alternatively, wires and screens all over you, with a dark figure looming in the shadows. It comes and goes in less than a second, and you breathe deeply as The Doctor winces.

"What... was... that?" You gasp trying to catch your breath, gripping the edge of the piano.

"Sorry sorry! It was just a thought, I didn't mean to concentrate on that one!" She says quickly then shakes her head. "This is going to be difficult for us..." she adds quietly.

"What will happen Doctor?" You say shakily. "If anyone finds out what I can do, if they realise I can hear thoughts, somethings without even needing contact?" You ask. 

She doesn't answer, but she doesn't need to. The sombre expression on her pale face said it all.


	19. Dress

TW: scars

You stand staring at your wardrobe concentrating intensely. Shy and uncertain, you thumb through with limited enthusiasm.

You sigh, searching for something to wear. You were meeting Jenny in the console room in two hours, and you still hadn't picked out a suitable outfit . 

You are giving up and deciding on jeans when a knock sounds at your door. 

"Come in" you call not turning. Yaz knows how to approach you. She has no ill intent, actually she's visibly excited about something.

"Why didn't you tell me!" She shrieks making you jump.

"Tell you what?" You reply in alarm.

"That you and Jenny have got a date!" She says as though it's obvious. You blush and look away.

"It's not a date, and besides I'm not even sure I'm going... I've got nothing to wear" you groan siting on your stripped bed.

"Yes The Doctor thought you might have that problem and so- oh of course she knows" she giggles at your shocked expression. This was chaos. 

"So anyway" she continues excitably "I suggested you might like to borrow one of my dresses!" 

It's then that you notice several brightly coloured clothing items over one arm.

"Try some of them on, it not sure what your style is" she says obliviously, lying them on your bed. Two are blue, one is red and one is black. Only the red has sleeves. It's quite nice, but you prefer the black. 

But of course you can't wear sleeveless. 

You select the red and disappear into the bathroom and slip it on. It fits almost perfectly. You step out and do a theatrical twirl to please Yaz.

"Mmmm I like it! But I think you ought to try on the black" she says. You pause and shake your head calmly.

"No I think this ones fine..." you say. It wasn't that bad.

"Aww just try it on anyway!" She whines and you feel panic rise.

"I said no" you say coldly. 

Yaz looks a little hurt but nods with a weak smile. You feel awful.

"No I'm sorry Yaz I really do appreciate your help, it's just... I can't wear the black one" you say hoping to convey with your expression what you can't say in words.

"You are going to look beautiful either way (y/n)" she says catching on after a moment. "but I understand". You pause. 

You roll your eyes and scoop up the dress, only to please Yaz. Your heart thumps as you change, but you can't help loving the dress. 

It's soft and clingy, with laces up the thighs, and a small flower accent at the hip. You want to show Yaz, but are unsure of how she will react. You listen, and all is quiet. Taking a calming breath you step out.

"I think that's the one" she says quietly, deliberately avoiding your arms. You stand self consciously.

"I think so too..." you say uncertainly, fading into silence.

"I could help you cover them?" She says quietly and you nod, unable to convey how much this means to you. To be able to wear a short sleeve dress, such a simple thing.

You spend the next half hour trying not to visibly tense while Yaz applies corrector, concealer, foundation, powder, and all sorts of other things to your arms. Occasionally she breathes in sharply as she comes across some deeper ones, and you pretend not to notice. 

"All done" she says with a warm smile and you look her in the eyes. They are warm and loving, full of compassion, and in that moment you realise Yaz is probably your best friend. 

You get to your feet and look in the floor length mirror on the back of your door. You stare, and stare some more. 

For the last 8 years at least, your arms have been patterned with frozen rivers. Deep white and blush red or violent purple. But now... your arms, were arms again. 

You feel the urge to cry, and feel Yaz slip her hand into yours silently. You want to pull away immediately when you catch an image of yourself as she sees you. Instead you squeeze her and she responds the same way. You didn't need to say it, she understood.

An hour later and you are making your way to the console room, hair past your shoulders, clacking along The Tardis in some matching black stilettos. 

She thrums approvingly and you laugh. You pick up saucy music when you arrive on the deck and punch a pillar playfully. The music turns light hearted.

"Wow"

You turn and blush crimson as Jenny stands in a black suit, wearing just a bra-let underneath. You try to look respectfully, but god she was beautiful. 

"Wow to you too" you say trying to control your voice. 

You stand staring at each other for a bit before someone clears their throat, interrupting the soft excitement coating the ground like icing sugar.

"If you two could save it for when you're alone" says The Doctor slyly, flicking switches. You stumble in your heels as you take off, but Jenny is instantly at your side, holding you steady. You blush some more to your embarrassment and feel the box land with a thump.

"Right you two, listen up" says the time lady sternly. "Behave and be safe, I will pick you up in two hours, and I expect both of you to be fully clothed and coherent" she continues.

"Mum!" Says Jenny while you resign yourself to being crimson coloured for the rest of your life. 

"Just saying" she adds "and have a good time of course" she winks and you roll your eyes. An image from The Doctor comes to mind, it's you and Jenny, together and happy. You blush again as the Tardis thrums giddily.

"I mean it, shut up right now, both of you" you mutter at the machine and her master.

You look up, noticing too late your mistake.

"How did you- ?" Starts Jenny but you head to the door, ignoring The Doctors' scrutiny.

"Come on" you call dismissively and lead the way out the door.


	20. Out

You step out and stop, frozen. 

Jenny comes up behind you and stops too.

"Do you like it?" She asks quietly. You simply nod. 

You are stood on slightly deadened brown grass, mind full of wonder as you walk forward a little. 

You are on the edge of a planet, but the entire galaxy before you is exposed in the sky. But it's not like any galaxy you've ever seen before. Blazing lights in every colour paint the canvas of the black sky, interspersed with distant planets and glittering stars. 

A cacophony of sound blesses your ears as music swells around you. You could stare at this for a thousand years and never be dulled. Tears prick your eyes as you realise what a small person you are. At this, you turn to Jenny, who is leaning casually against a boulder wall, hands in her pockets.

You break into a huge smile and she rocks forwards, taking your hand. 

She leads you down a little path to a cute blanket with a wicker basket on it. It's the perfect view of the sky. She helps you to sit and pours you some champagne which you sip self consciously, happier than you have been since you can remember.

"Thank you for bringing me here" you say after some silence and she laughs .

"My pleasure, The Doctor helped me set it up while you were asleep. I didn't think anyone could sleep through the Tardis raucous but you proved me wrong." She says fondly. You feel warm and happy, but something is nagging slightly at the back of your mind. 

You squint and try to hear her, anything, but you get nothing. You had assumed it would work the same for everyone. With Yaz and The Doctor, you didn't even need to touch them to hear a hint on their thoughts. But here, with your hand intertwined with hers, something is missing.

"Well that's a pretty face" she laughs catching you off guard. You are about to make up an excuse when you catch a very different internal voice, someone new, making you jump. 

"(Y/n)? What's wrong? Did I say something?" You shake your head wildly, looking for danger, someone was about ten feet away, with your face in their mind. There is a full drumbeat also in their head, which you vaguely recognise.

"Doctor?" You hiss into the darkness, but the voice that replies certainly isn't her.

"Oh now don't be a bitch" a woman says slyly, emerging from the dark. 

She is fairly tall with dark bracken hair wound at the back of her head. She wears a purple dress complete with knee high tight black boots and a long black umbrella under her arm.

"(Y/n) do you know her?" Asks Jenny urgently but you shake your head, fresh fear coursing through the veins.

"(Y/n) is it? Ooh you're a clever one noticing me almost as soon as I saw you" she smirks playfully. You remain still. Whoever this woman is, she can't be trusted.

"Oh now that is interesting." She remarks. "You're definitely human, with a little bit of spice..."

"Stop it" you say, scared. This wasn't how Jenny found out.

"Take me to The Doctor and I won't tell your lovely friend here anything" she says mockingly.

"No" you stammer back. 

"No? How rude" she says pouting.

"(Y/n) who is she?" Asks Jenny desperately.

"She's, she's a time lady" you respond in shock. The drum beat. Four beats. Often in the background of The Doctors' mind, you've noticed. The heartbeat of a time lord.

"Well now I really don't need you giving me away my secrets" the lady says with a theatrical eye roll "guess I'd better give away some of yours..?" 

"Please" you say but she grins.

"Jenny is it? Oh you've noticed a change in your friend here recently haven't you? Would you like me to enlighten you?" She asks politely.

"I don't understand?" She says sounding worried. It breaks you heart, but she couldn't know, she'd abandon the second she knew you were a freak.

"Well to be perfectly honest, neither do I" says the time lady, sitting on a boulder and flicking one leg over the other as though you were talking over coffee. "But she's got unnatural gifts for a human, which you've noticed. And I'm guessing you were confused how she could understand The Tardis? Yes?" She prompts, and Jenny nods. Your breathing suffers as she shares a violent thought of you. Unable to bear it, you clamp your hands over your head.

"And there it is! Jeez got there in the end! I'm not entirely sure how she's doing it, but she can hear what we're thinking, or somewhat" she says calmly.

"(Y/n)?" Says Jenny slowly turning to you. You look up and shake your head wordlessly. Hands still over your ears against her horrible thoughts.

"The regeneration energy?" She gasps making the connection and you nod miserably.

"Interesting, it wasn't The Doctor's energy then? It was yours? But you're certainly not a time lady, nope you're a hybrid of some kind" her eyes widen and she laughs suddenly. "Oh god the stupid idiot had a child! Oh brilliant how is he as a father? This I've got to see."

"No" you say stubbornly, forcing yourself hands away from your ears and interrupting her. 

Her smile vanishes and she glares at you intensely. 

You realise too late this was a mistake as you receive another dark thought from her, one that makes you shiver.

In one swift movement she pulls out a gun and points it at you head.

"Take me to your leader" she says with a manic smile. "Or else".


	21. Friend

With your hands up you lead the way back to where you know The Tardis will be landing. Sure enough, the familiar whirring tell you it has arrived. An ominous air clouds your senses, as you step up to the box, hands still raised.

"Hell you two! How was it?" Starts The Doctor before her face drops to match your own. Her expression shifts in confusion as Jenny follows, hands also up, and finally the other time lady.

The Doctors' face turns furious and she runs to meet you, stopping short at the sight of the weapon. The time lady looks around, unimpressed. 

"Where is he then?" She says in a bored tone, not watching the gun pointed at your head. You wince as she waves it around eccentrically.

"Missy what the hell are you doing?" Hisses The Doctor furiously. "I swear if you've hurt them..."

The woman looks temporarily taken aback but quickly recovers.

"Oh no this is too good" the woman responds, laughing maniacally. She doesn't stop for some time. She sounds utterly insane.

"(Y/n)? Jenny? Are you alright?" The blonde asks. 

You catch an image of Missy firing the gun and wince, knowing full well she would, and instinctively you place your hands over your head again. 

The Doctor's' eyes widen, realising you are exposing yourself. You don't even care. They all know now. 

Missy finally stops laughing, wiping her tears and lowering her gun.

"This is brilliant, you're a woman?" She exclaims and you flinch. Unable to bear the tension any longer, you drop to your knees, head bowed. 

"Missy put the gun down right now!" Growls The Doctor quickly and she pouts, flinging it carelessly across the room. She flops against a pillar with crossed arms, and Jenny rushes to your side anxiously. 

You nod that you are ok, and look up to watch the rest of the exchange.

"You really do pick them up, don't you?" Says Missy sarcastically, looking at you with a raised brow.

"Stop it, I've had enough of you already" mutters The Doctor turning her back to the woman.

"That's not very nice" she teases playfully.

"What do you want?" She adds, turning a dial.

"Well a hello for a start" Missy replies, pouting in mock offence. You shuffle and Jenny pulls you to your feet. At that point Yaz enters, looking suitably bewildered.

"Oh there's more? You do like your human pets don't you?" Mutters Missy.

"Doctor who is she?" Asks Yaz. You feel the atmosphere shift seriously as The Doctor steps in front of Yaz, limiting Missy's view of the girl.

"Oh you felt that too didn't you?" Says Missy turning to you.

"Yes" you respond automatically.

"You're a strange one" she says with carelessly raised eyebrows.

"Says The woman whe crept up on us then threatened to shoot us while quoting Spock" you say rolling your own eyes.

"Ooh I like this actually! If that human is your pet can I have this one?" She gabbles in mock excitement.

"You're a time lady aren't you?" You says and she shows a lot of teeth.

"Yep" she says popping the p. Tired, you lean against a pillar.

"When you're finished" says The Doctor with her hands on her hips "you still haven't answered my question" 

"I've possibly angered a Silurian tribe beneath the Earths surface in the year 8230 Fobime" she says casually. "I need you to sign my school report and tell them I didn't mean it"

"What did you do?" Says The Doctor shrewdly, eyes narrowing.

"Long story short, it was their fault, they said they wanted my blood, I wasn't too happy with that and they got really mad" she says in baby tones. This woman was exhausting to keep up with.

"I help you this once, and then you leave?" She says sternly and Missy nods, hands clasped in front of her.

The Doctor looks at her for a long moment then sighs. 

"Left corridor four doors down. Hit the pool and you've gone too far" 

Missy winks and exits in that direction.

"Doctor we're not really going to help her are we?" Gasps Yaz in disbelief.

"She's my oldest friend" mutters The Doctor avoiding eye contact.

"She held us at gun point, I don't know if you noticed" says Jenny casually.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. We'll just help her smooth this over then she'll leave. It's not just about her. You really can't unleash a tribe of angry Silurians onto your planet in the future." She says and you accept defeat. 

You turn and head to your room before realising it is down the same corridor Missy just went. You pause, contemplating, when Jenny approaches. 

"I think we need to talk" she says and you nod. That was an understemnt.

The Tardis thrums softly and you nod at her.

"Yes please" you say at her suggestion and Jenny gives you a sideways glance.

"Follow me" you say, and she does, all the way to the music room.

You walk up to the piano and turn.

"I really didn't want you to find out this way, but I suppose it was sooner or later" you start. "When you hit me with the energy, I was given a 'gift' as The Doctor calls it. I can hear thoughts. Not all of them, in fact just glimpses, and they don't seem to have a pattern to what I pick up. It gets stronger with physical contact, like the difference between watching someone perform live or on screen. It's how I knew she was approaching, she was thinking about me." Jenny stiffens and you smile meekly. "Watching the galaxy was amazing Jenny, thank you for taking me. I'm sorry for keeping it a secret. I just didn't want you to think of me as anymore of a freak than you had to" you say smiling weakly.

Jenny simply stares at you for a long moment, hands in her pockets, resting on one leg. You tell yourself to stop staring.

"That's... actually that's really cool" she says finally breaking into a smile and you reflect that.

"So can you tell what I'm thinking?" She asks eagerly and your smile disappears.

"No" you say carefully, "it works on everyone but you" you say quietly. 

"I guess you'll never know then" she says.

"I guess not" you respond. You turn and find she is much closer.

"That's a shame" she says stepping closer still, until she is close enough to hold. Her warm breath tickles your lower forehead and you hold your breath in slight fear.

"Would I like it?" You whisper and she smiles again.

"I really think you would" she says "let's find out shall we?" And she leans over, taking you into her warm arms, holding you with such respect and care like you haven't been held since your mother passed. 

Fireworks and roses erupt begin your eyes, and you relax. You could truly stay like this forever.


	22. Accepted

You break away and nearly fall off the raised platform before Jenny catches you, both of you grinning stupidly.

"Well that was...um" you say feeling lightheaded.

"Good?" She suggests and you nod.

"Good" you confirm, breathless. She lets you go and takes your hand.

"Come on I'll take you back to your room" she says softly and you jump down to follow, then abruptly stop.

"Missy?" She guesses and you nod. You really didn't want to go near her. Her mind was terrifying. 

Ice drops down your spine as you realise she really scares you.

"Sleepover I guess it is then" she giggles and you freeze. "No no not like that!" She says quickly seeing your horrified expression as you eye her warily.   
"Just somewhere to sleep, there's a spare sofa in my room I'll take, you can have my bed. Say no if you want" she adds sincerely. 

You nod slightly suspiciously, and she leads you off down two corridors until you are suitably lost, and into a soft room, all black and white and stylish, with a huge king bed and a leather sofa in the corner. 

Plush carpets coat the floors, and delicate nets hang gracefully over the four poster. It is edgy but neat, perfect for her.

"There should be some clothes in the wardrobe that'll fit, grab whatever you want" she say carelessly and you nod nervously. 

You open the doors and select a black cotton t-shirt and some leggings that might fit. You head to the bathroom and she nods you in. You change and freshen up, trying to be neat and inconspicuous. All of sudden you are ridiculously shy. 

Changed, you emerge, the clothes a couple of sizes too big. She smiles and pats the beside herself. You pause and her face softens.

"(Y/n) I promise nothing is going to happen. It's just a sleepover, but if it will make you feel any better, I can sleep on the couch" she says rising without fuss.

"No no it's not that!" You say quickly. "I just..." you start, but are unable to finish.

"You just?" 

"I haven't...er... I don't usually... sleep in, well the bed" you say feeling stupid. "Not since..." no you really can't say that part.

"I understand. I promise I will not hurt you. I won't even touch you. And if it's too much I can walk you back to your room or I can simply move to the couch" she says with sincere eyes. 

Feeling as though you are stepping off a cliff, you decide to trust her. 

You slide in the sheets and shiver. The Tardis dims the lights and you tense, but Jenny breathes evenly on the other side of the bed. You begin to warm, courtesy of The Tardis, and feel yourself drift into sleep.

* * *

You wake, gasping and warm, cold sweat gathered on your forehead. You realise too late that you are not alone. You must have moved in your sleep for you are curled up at Jenny's side, absorbing her warmth. 

You stiffen and her arm squeezes you gently, then releases you, beginning to move away. 

To your surprise, this hurts more than the fear of touching her. You grip her like a monkey and she chuckles, surrounding you once more.

"Is everything all right?" She asks into the semi-darkness and you nod against her chest, feet pulled up in the foetal position.

"Is this ok?" She asks "I woke up half an hour ago and you were all snuggled into my side. I didn't want to move you, you look so cute when you're sleeping." She adds. 

You are glad she can't see your blush in the dark, although you think she can probably feel your heat.

"How come you're awake?" You ask.

"Half time lord. I don't sleep nearly as much as you do" she says. There is some silence as you digest this.

"Did you have a nightmare?"she asks and you shake your head in defeat. "Is it Missy?" She asks after a minute,

"I feel like she's too close" you mutter in confirmation. The feeling was so intense, even when she was at a distance.

"What can I do to help?" She asks. 

"I don't think there is anything you can do, the only thing that works is music, but I can't very well go and find a piano" you sigh.

"Well, I could always hum out loud?" She suggests quietly.

"That's ok" you say, just being near her was comforting enough. You feel her adjust slightly and then, magically, she begins to hum. 

You've never heard the song before, but it's deep and methodical, with a perfect grace. You can feel the vibrations through her chest, and it settles you instantly. You feel your eyes droop, and snuggle into her as you feel yourself relax. 

Thoughts of Missy fade into insignificance next to this beautiful melody. 

You are asleep within minutes.


	23. Underground

You wake the next morning to find your bed empty. Rolling over you can hear the shower in the en-suite. 

You listen until it stops and Jenny emerges, towel wrapped around her torso, hair dripping to her collarbones.

"Morning, help yourself to the bathroom" she say twisting her hair into a turban with another towel. 

Awkward as ever and blushing like a fool, you slide off the bed and go about your bathroom business, avoiding the shower. You come out in a towel and stand, wondering what to do next.

"I've put some clothes that might fit better on the bed" she says and you scoop them up. 

She had picked out black mom Jeans and a clingy grey top that will show off your figure. You roll your eyes and retreat t the bathroom, discovering she has actually got everything for you. 

You supposed it wouldn't be too hard for The Tardis to place some clothing items for you in her wardrobe. Dressed and ready, you step back into the bedroom. 

Jenny is pulling on a 3/4 length black coat with a belt. You pull out a brown full length for yourself, ignoring the similarities in style. She holds out her hand invitingly and you don't hesitate to reach and hold it. You walk like this to the console room, fulfilled in your happy bubble.

"Sleep well?" Says Yaz in an innocent tone that tells you all too well your excursion didn't go unnoticed. 

You blush and she smiles triumphantly. 

Her music is teasing yet reserved. Something in the way she looks at you tells you The Doctor filled her in on the details of your abilities after you left. It doesn't bother you, so long as Jenny was fine with it, and judging by her arms wrapped around your shoulders from behind, she was. You smile goofily, enjoying the safe contact, ignoring the nagging fear in the pit of your stomach. 

The Doctor and Missy arrive together moments later, deep in discussion. You tense and The Doctor looks up.

"(Y/n) can I talk to you a second?" She says lightly and you nod, detaching yourself from a wary Jenny. She squeezes your hand comfortingly before letting you go, and you follow The Doctor back down a corridor until she turns and faces you.

"(Y/n), this is important" she say seriously. "I really hate to ask you, but I think you've picked it up already. Missy has a... difficult past. She did some things but she is on the way to recovery. I trust her, but I need you to keep an eye out, and if anything changes, I need to know" she says, looking you deep in the eyes.

"Well her thoughts are naturally quite alarming" you say and The Doctor smiles ruefully.

"Yes that's just her, but if anything changes, if it gets any worse, I need to know" she says urgently and you nod.

She smiles then turns it into a smirk.

"So, how did you sleep last night?" She asks politely.

"Not you too" you mutter, turning away from her cheerful laughter and heading back to the console room, where you stand next to Jenny. 

She asks if you are alright with her eyes and you pause to listen. You nod reassuringly at Jenny as you take off, travelling then landing roughly.

"Still can't fly this thing then?" Comments Missy.

"Yes I can!" Says The Doctor indignantly. 

"You left the hand break on" Missy adds as she opens the Tardis door. You hear a quiet lever switch and some incoherent muttering from the console. 

You let Jenny go ahead then follow, stepping out onto ordinary Earth, the place where no one believes you to be alive. You hadn't even thought of that. You were clearly thousands of miles beneath the surface however, so your tension eases.

"Which way?" Asks The Doctor to Missy, scanning the two tunnels ahead with her sonic.

"Left I think"

"You think?"

"Well have you got a better guess?" 

The Doctor scowls and takes the left path after Missy. If you weren't so concentrated on listening out, you would have enjoyed the sight of The Doctor being rivalled by an equal.

You walk behind the group with Jenny, determinedly keeping your distance from Missy. 

"I think it's around here somewhere...? Or maybe it was the right path?" Missy ponders then look at you.

"Human number one, any ideas?" You jump and Jenny tenses next to you.

"She has a name, and she is more than just her species." She growls.

"Whatever, the one with the mind voodoo, notice anything?"

Jenny opens her mouth angrily but you squeeze her hand to stop her.

"It's ok, she's got a point" you say then listen up as everyone goes silent. You are instantly assaulted with a mans perspective, on the floor below you, talking to several others. It is foggy and unclear, but they look- well they look green.

"They're below us" you squint, looking up.

"Oh she's useful isn't she" chirps Missy happily, moving again. Both Jenny and The Doctor scowl disapprovingly.

You walk for fifteen more minutes, conscious you are getting slowly lower before you stop.

"I've got a bad feeling about this" you say worriedly. 

The group stop and turn, watching you shuffle on the spot. You haven't heard any more thoughts from the green men, and you have no idea of their intentions.

"It's ok, not that far now" calls Missy from the front, reaching a large metal door. "In here I'd say" she adds, and The Doctor pulls out her sonic to open the doors. 

They slide open without fuss and all five of you walk in. Then stop. 

Fifteen or so lizard people stand around a table. A table decorated with lethal instruments and monitors. The Doctor turns to you as your legs nearly give out, the horrible thoughts in one of their heads bringing tears to your eyes. Jenny rocks you and you faintly hear an exchange.

"Seize them! But don't hurt the girl!" Someone bellows. 

Going off the image of your own face in his mind, they mean you. 

"Missy! You brought a girl with these kinds of abilities to a place of surgical experimentation!" Yells The Doctor in horror over that sounds of a scuffle.

"Get off me! Doctor help!" Yaz screams as she is roughly handled. 

"I'll find you (y/n) stay strong!" That's Jenny now, you can just make her out over the commotion as your friends and Missy are tackled and restrained.

The last thing you feel are strong arms on either side lifting you, the sudden crescendo of intensity and panic knocking you completely unconscious.


	24. Experiment

TW: torture

Your eyes open unwillingly and you try desperately to ground yourself. 

A self fulfiling prophecy, your panic surrounding what is happening only increases your heart rate.

You wince as you try to move. You are standing almost vertically against a metal bed, ankles and wrists bound down. The green half light is slightly ethereal, and you are completely alone. 

You are forewarned of someone arriving as one of the Silurians wearing a white apron emerges from the shadows, wielding a needle. You hold your breath as he approaches, crying out as he finally sticks the needle silently in your upper arm. 

It doesn't hurt too much, but you almost instantly feel vulnerable. Your brain feels loose and sloppy, and your concentration is slipping, letting your guards down.

"Very good" he comments before backing off slightly.

"Please don't do this" you beg quietly as he picks up another instrument.

"It's all in the name of science, you are an incredible phenomenon, it would be a missed opportunity not to study you."

"But you plan to do more than observe" you say fully.

"Well we will do what is necessary to reach the source of your foresight." He confirms. Dread floods your body as panic rises again. 

You start as he attaches wires to your temples, flinching at the cold lizard touch, giving you brief foresight of what he planned to do next. He gives a sympathetic smile then returns to his station. 

"Please..." you repeat, this time to no answer. 

That's when you feel external images pour into your mind from the wires. 

You are standing at Abi's grave, you are looking down at Jenny's lifeless body, and now seeing yourself strapped on a medical table, then Jay approaching you in your bedroom, and him touching Abi the way no 13 year old girl should be touched, and now The Tardis flying away without you. 

You shriek in agony at the mental pain but nothing ceases. 

Minutes stretch far longer than they should as pictures of grief and fear and pain appear before you eyes, drowning everything in a suffocating coat of snow, trauma, past, present and future. 

You watch your world erupt in flames, you watch Jenny die over and over again, you watch as your own body is touched by strange men. 

You vomit several times from the agony, but still nothing stops. 

You sweat and shake and scream but no one comes. 

You wish for the sweet mercy of death but it is not granted. 

Multiple times you lose consciousness, only to be thrown back into hell immediately afterwards. 

Until at long last there is a burst of electricity, and the wires cut off the images. Your head lolls uselessly and you retch dryily. 

You don't fight to remain conscious, but somehow you fail to go under the surface of the water. Vaguely you hear scratching and typing and the hum of machinery, but you don't care. 

All you want is to leave this place, dead or alive, you can't tell which is preferable. 

There is no way you could ever move on from this. 

You are giving up when the lighting changes from lime green to deep crimson. You can see it behind your eyelids. 

An alarm is sounding somewhere far off, and you are slightly disappointed that your death would likely now be due to fire, prolonged and painful.

Footsteps pound past the door, and if you had any strength you would yell for help. You can barely create thoughts, let alone speech. Your muscles feel beaten and retired, and your heart is aching from the emotional abuse. You screw your eyes up against the migraine. 

"She's in here!" Someone calls from the other side of the door, and you hear it slide open. There is a dull thud as someone crumples to the floor, and judging by the masculine grunt of pain, it was the Silurian.

"Shit what have they don't to her" someone says in horror but you can't respond, not until you feel someone else's hands close gently around your face. 

You are hit with an image of what you look like from   
The Doctor's point of view, and it's really not pretty.

"They tortured her" someone says in disbelief and there is a sudden silence.

Your eyes fly open and you let out a terrified snarl, that turns threatening and feral. They remove their hands, and you miss what they say next over the thumping of your heart.

"Shh it's ok my love we're getting you out" someone else says, tugging at the straps "Doctor sonic them!"

You hear the sonic whir and feel the straps release. 

Your body has every intention of falling into Jenny's arms but you turn at the last second and fall past her, straight onto your knees.

"Doctor!" Yaz calls and someone lowers them self next to you. You squeak, terrified and scurry away until you hit a wall, blinking furiously to try desperately to gain some perspective.

"(Y/n) it's over now, we're not going to hurt you" says The Doctor steadily, over the wails of the alarm. 

You cover your head with your hands and she straightens up.

"I'm sorry but we haven't got time for this. Jenny pick her up if you have to, we need to get out of here" says The Doctor, and you feel arms enclose around you. You fight them off, screaming in terror until they release you.

"Doctor she won't let me touch her!" Calls Jenny urgently.

"Oh for the love of God fine" someone else says quickly, and you feel the warm fingers of Missy tap you gently on the forehead. 

You ascend immediately and anti-climatically into darkness.


	25. Change

You scrunch your face against the music in your ears. It takes you a second to realise the music is real, someone has put earphones in your ears, playing songs you haven't thought about in many years. 

Unable to lift your heavy arms, you listen to the melodies and steady your breathing. 

After a while you decide to actually open your eyes. 

You are recognisably back in the Tardis medbay, and mercifully alone. You sense rather a lot of time has passed, and surprisingly you are not hooked up to any machines. 

With this knowledge you sit up with great effort and dangle your legs over the side of your bed. You are in soft joggers and a plain white t shirt. 

You pull out the other earphone and instantly panic at the image of someone approaching, just outside the door. It's The Doctors' perspective again. 

You jam one back in and sit up expectantly. The Doctor comes though the door with a tense face that clears smoothly into a smile when she spots you.

"Ah hello (y/n), you're awake that's good to see, how do you feel?" She asks, putting down a silver tray on a nearby bed. You don't repond, face blank.

"Yeah stupid question" she mutters and lowers herself onto the bed opposite you.

"I can't imagine what you went through" she says quietly, trying to catch your eye. You stare blankly back at her.

"(Y/n) please say something. I can help" she pleades. 

You fight with yourself. It's not that you don't want to speak; you literally and physically can't.

"Do you want to see Jenny?" She asks, and at that moment Jenny bursts through the doors anxiously.

"Is she awake!?" She says before seeing you and rushing over. Panic envelops you and you scurry backwards off your bed and hit the floor with a thump.

"Jenny stop! You're scaring her" The Doctor calls, having risen to her feet but not approached.

"(Y/n) it's me..." Jenny says uncertainly but you shake your head, getting to your feet and lowering yourself into an armchair an extra three feet away.

"I think she just needs time" says The Doctor, holding her daughters' arm. "She went through hell and back." She adds, voice breaking slightly in pain.

You look up at the two of them, eyeing their twin expressions of pity and pain. You look away.

"(Y/n) can you talk?" The Doctor says softly as Jenny sits awkwardly on the edge of your bed. It's a bit too close, and you draw your legs up to your chest in protection.

You don't respond, unable to accumulate any kind of awareness of your surroundings. The Doctor sighs then steps back.

"(Y/n)?" You look up and just about meet Jenny's eyes. To your sadness they are sparkling with tears that she blinks back. "I'm so sorry about what happened. Just so you know, I will always be here for you if you need me" she finishes then turns to leave. 

You try to say something, anything, but your voice refuses to work.

The Doctor looks down at you then reaches for the tray making you flinch. She gives you a reassuring look and nods slightly. You try to breathe out.

"What did they do to you" she whispers to herself mostly, keeping eye contact. You don't react. She sighs and leans away.

"I need to do some checks, is that alright?" She asks slowly. You still can't react. She takes that as a yes and approaches, trying to be slow and ignore your twitches and flinches. She reaches out and you lean back. She drops her hand and looks at you sadly.

"Would you like me to put you back under?" She offers and you still say nothing, but lean back further.

"Ok (y/n), call me if you need anything. I'll bring you some food and we can decide what to do next. Rest now" she says gently and exits quietly, leaving you with the sound of your thumping heart in your chest.

When all is quiet you stand. You walk uncertainly to the door and test it. Locked. Of course, you were known for not being trusted. You walk over to the cupboards and search for about ten minutes through low risk items, until you come across what you are looking for. 

It's a pink box which rattles when you pick it up. You walk into the attached bathroom and close the door. No locks on this one. You stare at your reflection for longer than you intended before ripping it open. You dig through and scan the instructions, it should be done in half an hour. That's enough time. 

You squeeze the fat tube into your palm and massage it roughly into your scalp. You think it might be blue but you don't really care. 

You just needed a change. To pretend for even a second that you were someone else. That what happened in that chamber had nothing to do with you.

You rub it in furiously, yanking though your hair to the ends until your head is suitably covered. 

You sit in silence on the toilet seat for another half an hour, ignoring the knocks at your door from The Doctor with your food. She gives up and you hear her leave eventually. 

You wash out the dye before towel drying your head, hair a mercury blue, with slightly darker ends. It doesn't look too bad. You almost wish it looked worse. 

After listening at the door, you pad softly into your room and climb back into your bed, not bothering to clear up the bathroom. 

Shivering against your sopping hair, you spiral back into sleep.


	26. Grave

You wake the next morning, or at least you think it's morning, to someone shuffling around your bed. 

Instantly you freeze and they pause.

"I like your hair" says The Doctor and you open your eyes. You pull a strand in front of your face. It is definitely blue. 

You let it drop and shuffle upright.

"I thought you might like go somewhere today?" Asks The Doctor and you consider this. She offers a tray of food and you take the tea but shake your head at the rest. She looks you over shrewdly and places it on your bedside table.

"So where would you like to go?" She asks in a voice of forced optimism, but you already have an answer. 

Unable to speak still, you look her in the eyes with difficulty and try to express yourself. She seems to understand, for her next thought is of a grave you know very well.

"Abi?" She asks gently and you nod, glad she understood. "Ok, when you're ready" she says and turns to leave with a swish of her lilac coat. You sit back with your tea and contemplate. 

Finished, you stand and find some clothes nearby. You change quickly and down the rest of your drink before setting off in the consoles' direction. 

The Tardis is anxious for you, so you run a hand along the wall to soothe her. She isn't convinced. You arrive at the main room on deck and observe it distantly. 

The Doctor looks up and smiles before continuing with her typing. You walk right up to the console. 

The Tardis whirrs and you pat her reassuringly. 

"She's worried about you" comments The Doctor without looking up. You ignore them both.

Soon Jenny and Yaz arrive, followed shortly by Missy. The former pair keep a respectful distance and try not to stare too much. Missy however takes one look at you and bursts out laughing.

"Yeah the blue hair really screams mentally stable" she wheezes. You don't react.

"Oh she really is mute, that's boring" pouts Missy. 

You watch Jenny move towards her until The Doctor steps deliberately between them.

"Enough" she says firmly and both settle. Without another word she takes off and you fly towards Earth with natural chaos. You're first out the door when you land, already sick of the concerned glances being shot your way every few seconds. 

You blink in the sudden sunshine and check the grave nearest. You know roughly where to look, and follow a chalk path until you see two people in the distance. 

Women by the looks of it, one younger and blonde, and one older and greying. They stand over a single grave that you know to be Abis', but you wonder where your mothers' one is. 

You don't recognise them which is strange, but you reason they could just be interested. As you think this, the blonde woman places of wreath of flowers over the marble grave and takes a step back. 

Abis' grave is stone. 

You feel The Doctor and Jenny behind you, and know Yaz is somewhere further back. Missy waits alone in the Tardis. 

You approach the women carefully, ignoring the sharp intake of breath from The Doctor when you get close. The women turn to you, faces twisted with grief. The older woman has a lined face, and wears a simple grey dress and blazer. You were with her when she bought that dress. 

The younger woman wears her long curly blonde hair loose about the shoulders of her black dress. Your dress actually. It had always looked better on her than it did on you. You feel your stomach plunge as she looks you in the eye. Face older but definitely hers. 

Voice cracking, you say your first words since your torture.

"Abigail"

* * *

The others freeze behind you and you scrunch your face against the Doctors' panicked thoughts.

"Do I know you?" Your sister asks and your heart cracks right down the middle. You are unable to form a proper sentence. 

Instead you look done and the grave and breath in sharply at the next shock. 

It's yours. 

But the dates are the same as your mothers'. So you died the day she did. Only here she stands, next to Abi, alive and well.

You open your mouth but The Doctor steps forward hastily.

"We're just visiting, we knew (y/n) a while ago" the words sound funny even to her, talking about you as though you were dead again.

"What are your names, she never mentioned you?"Asks your mother suspiciously and you bite back your answer.

"I'm The Doctor, this is Jenny Yaz and Missy" 

You aren't too happy about your name but it's not like you can say anything.

"Oh, well I'm sure she'd appreciate you coming" Abi says, turning back to your grave. 

Abi's mind is soft and dainty, and makes you want to cry. 

She was all grown up in this reality, for it was clear you weren't here, and she had apparently lived along with your mother. You hadn't killed her.

"How did she die?" You blurt out suddenly, looking down at your grave. Your mother starts to cry and Abi pats her back.

"There was a man. He was... abusive. One day he lost it. She was trying to save us" she says without looking at you, and suddenly you can see it, a single image of her head, a distant and painful memory.

Just two years before you lost Abi, your mother died protecting you two from Jay. You vividly remember that day, burned into your skull, contemplating whether to interfere, but you were already too late. Here however, you must've done. 

You died the day your mother did. This was how it was supposed to be. You feel dizziness envelop you and rest your palms on your knees, her face killing you with its sweet sorrow. 

"Is she ok?" Asks Abi, and it breaks you a little more to hear the concern in her voice. You were supposed to look after her, not the other way round. But she was all fine. She didn't even need you in the end. She needed her mother, and you had stood in the way of that in your known reality. The thought hits you like a thump in the stomach.

"She's fine, we'll leave you to it now." Says The Doctor, pulling firmly on your arm to make you move. Taking the hint and ignoring your protests, Jenny grabs your other arm and tries to lead you away. 

Already in a state, you panic at their touch but they don't let go, as you see yourself again from The Doctors' perspective, only this was years ago, the day she met you.

Tears are flowing down your cheeks now and you turn to go back, but you are no match for a time lady and a semi. 

You struggle but they keep a firm hold, pulling you all the way back to The Tardis. 

Yaz closes the door behind you and they release their hold. Instantly you turn to run back out the door but it clicks locked at a zap form the sonic. 

"Let me out, please, that's my sister, and my mother, please!" You wail, but no one answers.

The floor reverberates and you shriek, clawing at the door as the box takes off, away from your family all over again.


	27. Divide

You turn slowly, cold emotion coursing through your veins. You are pleased to feel that the others are apprehensive.

"I'm sorry (y/n), but that's not your world, and that isn't your family." Says The Doctor blandly. 

You don't look up, breathing heavily.

"Take me back" you say quietly.

"No" she responds calmly. 

You pull one last time at the door.

"Take me back" you repeat, without looking at her.

"No" she says again.

"Why won't you take me back!" You find yourself yelling, making Yaz and Jenny step back.

"Because your mother and sister are dead. That is not your home. If I take you back you could disrupt your entire time line and create a tear in the fabric of the universe.

"Do you know, how long I've suffered" you hiss, whipping around at her. You feel you might just be about to attack.

"I know but-" 

"NO YOU DONT KNOW!" You scream furiously. "I WAITED FOR YOU! I TRUSTED YOU EVEN WHEN YOU TOOK MY LIFE BY PUTTING ME BACK IN THAT PLACE!" You bellow, feeling completely deranged. You pull madly at you blue hair and slam your fist into your face.

"(Y/n) please calm down!" Shouts Jenny urgently and you scream again in frustration.

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!" You shriek, actually stamping your foot and pulling out whole chunks of your hair.

"Whose dying?" Asks Missy, appearing with a raised eyebrow.

"Doctor she's not safe." Says Jenny, turning to The Doctor. "You promised, you promised me the second she was a danger to herself we would take her back." 

You pause in alarm, gaging The Doctors reaction. Through your rage you see the Doctors' plans, of sedating you and delivering back to the ward. 

She eyes you speculatively and nods, approaching you carefully.

"I won't let you" you hiss, backing against the door and sliding down, covering your head, nails digging into your scalp.

"Please don't make this any harder than it has to be" Jenny's voice breaks, but you're too far gone.

You slam your head against the door again and again as you try to change your reality but all that comes of it is a pounding head. 

You whimper as The Doctor reaches to your forehead, ready to knock you out, until someone steps between you.

"I can't let you do this" Says Missy in a strong voice. 

You look up to see she is standing between you and The Doctor and Jenny, both of whom look very taken aback. 

You catch one of her thoughts, and it's muddled. You see yourself how you are now, pale tear stained face and torn expression.

"Missy get out of the way, we're just trying to keep her safe" says The Doctor, frowning.

"No, you're forcing her against her will, and I can't let you do it." Missy sounds even a little surprised at her own words, which is nothing compared to your own shock.

"I'm taking her to her room. We'll talk about this later." With that she turns and offers you her hand. You can't see any more images from her, so you guess she isn't going to hurt you, as they are usually the images that appear most consistently; when you were in danger. You swallow and let her pull you to your feet.

"There now" she says in a controlled voice. "I won't let them take you anywhere without your knowledge" she promises and you nod. She leads you down the corridor and away from the women, before arriving at your door.

"Now, are you ok?" She asks sincerely. Completely confused you nod stupidly. "Get some rest, I promise you are safe now" she says with surprising warmth. You nod again but don't enter.

"Why did you do that?" You ask and she smiles wearily.

"I'm not a good person (y/n) so don't go running away with that idea or I shall be highly offended." She says arching her brows. "But I know what it's like to be told what to do, to be caged and have your life decided for you. I wasn't about to let that happen before my eyes. I'll talk to them, now, get some rest."   
She says softly and you smile tentatively. 

She winks and turns, disappearing round the corner. 

Your weren't too happy with having the three of them decide what happens to you now, but at least Missy was on your side. It was a strange feeling. You'd never even thought of her with emotions before, she has always seems the same, mischievous and unexpected. This idea hasn't changed much, only now it has slight compassion too. 

Confused and overwhelmed, skull throbbing and heart pounding, you head unsurely off to bed.

* * *

The next morning you are met by the sound of raised voices outside your door. Pulling yourself from your floor nest, the rapid images tell you there is a heated argument going on. 

In a panic you run to the door and fling it open, barely aware of your messy hair, black leggings and baggy hoodie look.

"I said move right now!" Jenny threatens furiously.

"Absolutely not, I'm not letting you anywhere near her until I can be sure you aren't taking her away." Replies Missy calmly.

"Right Missy out of the way, I just need to speak to her." Says The Doctor, stopping when your door flies open.

"What's going on?" You ask blearily.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok" says Jenny with a smile. "Only someone has been guarding your door all night." She says with an eye roll at Missy.

"I mean what I said" says Missy in a low voice and they scowl at each other.

"Ok (y/n) get changed and come with me" sighs The Doctor. 

Instantly both women erupt in protest.

"Shut up the both of you! I just want to talk to her, (y/n), please?" She adds turning to you. 

Bemused you nod and retreat into your room to discontented mutterings.

You get ready and cautiously push open your door but they really have gone, except The Doctor who was leaning absently against the opposite wall. Her eyes refocus when she spots you.

She rocks onto the balls of her feet and you flinch involuntarily.

"Easy, I just want to talk, can we go somewhere a bit quieter?" You follow her with a nod.

You arrive at the room you once had therapy in and shiver at the memories. The first time you came here Ryan scared you and you ended up possessed by one of the books in the library. You weren't likely to forget that in a hurry.

"Sit down" she asks and you eye her suspiciously. 

She sighs "(y/n) I'm not going to move you by force." She says and you choose to believe her, settling yourself. 

She reaches into a box and tosses you a glass sphere which you catch. It's a visual fidget, with a pulsating purple star within, throbbing cold and warm every couple of seconds. You hold it tightly, mesmerised.

"Ok (y/n), I'm sorry for trying to make you go back to the hospital, we were just so concerned." She starts and you keep your eyes on her. "You can stay if you like, but same rules apply. I will continue to give you therapy, but if your mental health decreases too much, I will be forced to put you somewhere safe, do you understand?" She says, watching your face. 

You pause, but recognising the compromise you nod, still gripping the orb.

"As for those two, that's up to you I'm afraid" she says leaning back with a smile.

"What do you mean?" You ask.

"I'm not blind, I know what's going on with Jenny, but this one you'll have to work out for yourself." She says with a smirk. 

You still aren't catching on.

"Missy only tried to stop you two, I was just a by product." You state obviously.

"You don't know the master- her previous name -like I do. I always hoped the day would come when she saw the value in human life. I think you might just have opened that door." She finishes, leaving you to contemplate this in a deep and profound silence.

So you got to stay. That was all you wanted. True, it had hurt seeing your family alive without you, but you had a whole other family right on board this ship. 

In spite of yourself, you smile.


	28. Fireworks

You sit atop the hill, gazing across at the magnificent display in the sky. These fireworks were much more impressive than Earths' insignificant ones. These are huge and powerful, in colours and shapes you couldn't even name. 

You sigh as you stare before feeling someone approaching you. 

Jenny shuffles to your side and you tense. You have resumed a casual friendship, but nothing more. 

She looks at you but you don't quite meet her eye. 

"I haven't said I'm sorry yet, have I?" She asks. 

You don't respond, continuing to watch the displays.

"Well I am" she insists. You open your mouth without turning to look at her.

"You chose what you thought was best for me. What you thought I needed, but not what I wanted." You say quietly, hyper aware of her presence.

"I know" she whispers, then looks back at the sky in defeat.

"It's changed how I see you" you say honestly and she bows her head.

"But of course I forgive you" you say and she looks up with a tentative smile.

"It's more than I deserve" she says breathlessly and you can't help but copy her contagious smile.

You both turn back to the fireworks and she edges a little closer, making you flinch as though she had slapped you. She freezes.

"It's going to take some time, isn't it?"

You nod silently and she understands.

"Well we've got all the time in the world at our disposal" she says and you turn to face her, meeting her gaze in the half light. 

"Yes, I suppose we have" you say, feeling a warm blush appear across your cheeks. You relapse into silence and stay that way for a while.

"Tell me something" she starts and you incline your head towards her apprehensively. She better not ask anything too serious.

"What can you see?" She breathes, indicating the fireworks.

"You can't see them?" You respond confused. She raises her eyebrows and you blush feeling stupid.

"Sorry yes, right" you say turning back to them and closing your eyes. 

You always felt people were uncomfortable around your gift, but with Jenny, she thought it was interesting.

"I see, nothing. I'm sorry Jenny, I can't see anything at all." You sigh and she nods, still somehow smiling.

"You know, I almost wished you could hear my thoughts." She says and you look at her sideways.

"I think most people find it annoying actually" you joke gently and she shrugs.

"Maybe, but it means you can't see how I feel about you"

You tense and look back at the fireworks. A little lower down the hill are The Doctor and Yaz, curled up together looking very cute. Missy is nowhere in sight.

"And... and what is that?" You say quietly.

"Well, I think you're funny, and brave and caring. I think you're a survivor" she says and you smile.

"Well it's somewhat similar to how I see you then" you say and she smiles genially.

"You don't have to be afraid (y/n). The past... it doesn't define your future. You are so much more than what happened to you" she says and you stiffen, shivering slightly.

"Fear keeps me moving" you mutter. Her warm brown eyes resonate compassion. 

"I'll keep you safe" she whispers and you sigh. 

Her body twists slightly, offering you her shoulder. 

You're not sure whether you want to comply or not, so she smiles gently and gives you space, but this you certainly don't want. Shuffling close, you lean your head on her shoulder and her arm slowly wraps around you. 

Breathing in her faint raspberry and vanilla scent, her curly head of brown hair shifts forward and brushes your cheeks softly. 

You didn't need to be afraid, you knew Jenny. You couldn't read her intentions like everybody else, but you trusted her almost unconditionally. And that was worth the pain of knowing one day she could leave you, or turn around and break you.


	29. Author’s note

Hello again! I really hope you enjoyed this novella, I've actually still got another couple lined up and waiting, so let me know if you want more of The Doctor and (y/n)!

Same as ever, I appreciate any and all comments and criticism, as I believe it helps, but I will not stand for harassment or bullying, including slurs and hate speech. 

These novellas mean a lot to me, as some of the experiences are very personal for me, and I hope I accurately conveyed some of the more difficult situations.

For this story, I really wanted to focus on how trauma affected (Y/n) in her relationships, especially the immediately broken trust when Jenny became a male. This could also be seen at her numbness towards the psych ward when she was returned, which is why I didn't spend a long time on it. For her, all that time bled together.

I also felt it important to have The Doctor, Yaz and Jenny attend her funeral, and not just from (Y/n)'s perspective. I wanted to convey how heartbroken they would be though their actions rather than their words, and to hopefully show anyone struggling the reality of the funeral of a loved one.

I don't often see people recognise the aftermath of self harm, and the constant reminder from the scars we bear. I felt (Y/n) would be more comfortable on her date with them covered up, but I also needed her to accept that these were a part of her past, and not something she should be ashamed of. This is further touched upon in a later Novella of mine.

On the theme of acceptance, I tried to have (Y/n) learn that some things can't be changed, and sometimes that is for the better. Seeing her sister and mother alive and well was horrible, but it taught her the rules of The Doctor and why she follows them so rigidly.

Finally we come to Missy. I wanted to keep her fiery and sarcastic nature (she's also been one of my favourite Doctor Who characters) while have her thaw with surprising compassion when something truly touches her. This time it was being unable to see someone forced to act against their will. 

I look forward to releasing the next novella, I think it's probably my favourite of those I've written so far. 

And of course, a disclaimer, I do not own any of these characters, they belong to the BBC, I intend to use them for creative and entertainment purposes only.

Goodbye my lovelies, and I'll be back soon!


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